It's 11:51 and I finally got in touch with my long-distance Valentine. I did not buy anything for him, but I did take the time to write one of my world famous, not so well written poems for him. I decided to post it, just for kicks. I am not claiming that I am a great poet, or even a good one. Not even decent. But every line rhymes! And none of that crap where "again" rhymes with "rain." That always bugged me in highschool English class.
ODE TO YOU ON VALENTINE’S DAY
Dearest friend, so far from me
I wish a Happy Valentine’s to thee
I want you to know you’re in my heart
And I truly love you, even when you fart
I still love you when you harass
And yell in public that I get gas
When I buy chocolate or cheese or cream
“That stuff makes you fart!” you scream
Or how ‘bout when you tickle me against my will
I know making me suffer gives you a thrill
Or how bout all those times you make fun of my fat
Or when you should be petting me instead of the cat
It may sound like I’m moaning and complaining
But to ignore your annoyingness would be feigning
But what I want to let you know
Is that despite it all, I love you so
And now, on to the things you do
That make it impossible not to love you
You are sensitive and kind
With a very active mind
So sweet, yet manly and tough
Of you, I just can’t get enough!
The French toast you make is so damn good
And in the morning, you have impressive wood
Your massages are something like heaven
And you know you keep me open like 7-11
But what is most important of all
Is that you’re always there to catch me when I fall
That you taught me to be happy
When I was feeling crappy
You taught me to be strong
And it may have taken long,
But you gave me the self esteem
I needed to follow my dream
So even if I whine that you bug me too much
This is the truth, the truth is such:
I love you with all my heart
And I know it’s tough that we’re apart
But one day it will all work out
And until then, let’s not pout
You’re the greatest friend I could ask for
And I think you’re cute, even when you snore
Thanks for all you’ve done for me
And a Happy Valentine’s Day to thee!
And, there you have it, folks. With utter disregard for iambic pentameter, rhythm, and proper English, I wrote this. It's all true, too.
Now, if you're wondering about the whole "gas" thing (lines 5-7) I am blessed with lactose intolerance, which means if I have too much dairy I feel "uncomfortable." I keep this under control with some nifty pills (hooray for Lactaid).
So, once upon a drunken night, we were at the supermarket and I grabbed a dark chocolate Toblerone (HEAVEN!!!) and Mister Wonderful decided to say loudly, "MARIANA! DON'T BUY THAT! IT MAKES YOU FART!!!" It was funny, embarassing, and frustrating. He kept doing it whenever there were people around. Grr.
Anyway, it's time to go to bed and stuff.
"My name is Cupid Valentino, and I just wanted to say one thing ya'll: Happy Valentine's Day!"
-Andre 3000, The Love Below (amazing album!!!)