Once again, not my idea of an ideal blog topic....

There is something wrong with me.

For about 1.5 weeks now, I have reverted to a bitch-like state. At least once a day, something makes my blood boil. You'd think that's a good thing, considering the weather, but it's really not.
I don't like this, blogging complaints and stuff. But I feel I must.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately, but I've been pretty irritable. Perhaps it's the excessive amount of caffeine? Anxiety of getting in to medical school? The incredibly important and frightening physiology exam (Monday, January 29) that I should be studying for instead of blogging? (And to all those stupid guys out there, NO IT IS NOT PMS. I hate it when guys just throw that acronym out there, as though they could even begin to know how annoying it is. UGH!) See? Look at how bitchy I am! Plus, PMS wouldn't THIS long. That would be a cruel, cruel joke.

Anyway, I am really really irritable for no good reason.

Take, for example, today. Today we had a "review" for the exam. Two hours of the teacher making us feel as though we know nothing by giving convoluted explanations to simple problems. A friend asked me to take notes for him, and so the pressure to take good notes was quadrupled, of course. So, I'm trying my best to take awesome notes, for myself and my friend, and I find myself frustrated, unable to get everything down. To make matters worse, the two girls sitting behind me decided to chat it up.... LOUDLY. And the worst thing is, they were giggling about boys (what an unworthy topic!) Ten minutes into it I thought my head was going to explode. The last sentence in my notes reads something like "the action potential is slowed... I missed the rest because there are people behind me talking loudly." The slight relief came when I saw that most of my classmates left the review early (good indication of its worthlessness). I stuffed my laptop in my backpack and stormed out. It took a good 10 minutes for me to calm down and get over it. The combination of not understanding anything the teacher was saying, the pressure of taking notes for my friend, and those annoying chatty mac chattersons behind me just really really got to me.

Now, those who know me well have experienced my firey temper at one point or another (I know Aldo's reading this saying YUUUUUP). But, I'd say I've improved greatly over the past couple of years. I've learned to not get so upset over silly things. I learned to control my scary temper. I learned to not sweat the small stuff. Now, I'm not saying it NEVER happened, but I generally saved the rage for stuff that was sort of a big deal, and it was significantly more controlled. Most people I interact with on a daily basis have no idea what kind of beast lingers behind this big cheesy smile.

But lately, I feel like I've gone back... waaaay back.

Sidenote: I'd be a hypocrite extraordinaire if I said that I never talk in class. And my voice really carries- a lot. Now, I'm not saying I'd be as annoying as the girl behind me was being today, but I am admitting that there have been days where I may have been disruptive in class. For this reason, I'm usually way more forgiving about people chatting it up around me in class. I'm not shy, I'll throw out a "SHHHHHHHHHHHH" if it gets ridiculously loud... but today I didn't have the balls to do it. Maybe cause one of the girls is actually nice, I've talked to her a couple of times, and I'm not one to confront and piss people off like that, either (in other words, I'm a pussy). Plus, it was her friend being loud.

I digress. The point is, any other day I'd deal with that situation just fine... moving seats if I had to (maybe a little bit of eye-rolling). But today, I just couldn't handle it with even a molecule of grace.

It's been like this for the past 1.5 weeks or so, and I don't like it. Every morning, I tell myself that I will be in a good mood all day, but somewhere between breakfast and getting to school I forget it all. I even tried the "force yourself to smile and then you'll feel better" thing. Nope. Nothing.

I find that I'm happy/relaxed when I'm cooking, though. I also noticed a few weeks ago that I really enjoy cleaning things... I realized this when I was cleaning the stove. I took apart all the take-apartable parts and cleaned them well, and the stove was shiny, and my soul was shiny too.

Combine these symptoms with the undeniable desire to be around babies all day, and all I can think of is that I am SO ready to be a bitchy barefoot and pregnant housewife.

NOT!

But I really do like cooking and cleaning.

I'm hoping that this whole psycho Mariana alter-ego will disappear soon. I've also been having lots of weird dreams (none as weird as the boob job one, though). It's not that they're really that weird, it's more that they are so realistic. Vivid. And I can recount so many details from them. They flow smoothly, they lack the usual lucidity and disjointedness (is that a word?) that dreams usually have.

My self diagnosis:

I have a condition known as "awesomitis." Since birth, I have been producing more of the awesomeness protein than the average human, and my body finally can't keep up with it all, so it's reacting negatively.

The remedy: it has been shown that awesomitis symptoms will be exacerbated during periods of high stress, but the consumption of chocolate and fried foods such as onion rings will significantly decrease the occurence and severety of symptoms.

So there. Problem solved (sort of). In the meantime, don't look at me wrong. As a matter of fact, don't even talk to me unless I initiate conversation. Ok? THAAAANKS.

One more thing. I really like physiology even though it's making me crazy. It's so interesting. We learned about electrocardiograms and I thought that was so cool.

Ok leave me alone.