Bittersweet Symphony!

Ah, thank you Anonymous for your comment on my last post.

Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve is another one to add to the list of powerful "bad day" songs.

This song absolutely rocks!

The lyrics:

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life

Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change it

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

You know I can't change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mold
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
That you've ever been down
That you've ever been down

********************

The lyrics are good, but what makes this song what it is are the violins. Beautiful!

Ok, no more posting depressing songs/lyrics. I just had to talk about this one cause it's one of the greatest songs ever!

I saw my not so terrific grade today. It's not bad, I did a lot better than I thought I did, but it's still not good enough. I'm not usually the type to obsess about grades, but, something tells me that now is the time to obsess about grades. (Now's the time, the time is now!) I can get an A in this class, but I have to study every day and study hard.

Everybody Hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

No, I'm not depressed. I just absolutely love this song!!!

Some quick TV Trivia: In one episode of "The Office," Dwight sits in his car and plays this song, full-blast cause he's having a bad day. Gosh that show is brilliant.

Anyway, My iTunes playlist is on random and this song came up. This is a GREAT "bad day" song.

But, more importantly, just like the Bad Day song (see previous post), it's supposed to remind you that life just sucks sometimes, everyone deals with it. C'est la vie (that's life, buddy)!

In the words of Khalil Gibran:

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

The sweet ain't so sweet without the bitter, etc....

And that's enough of that for now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some other really powerful songs during times of despair:

"I'll Stand By You" by The Pretenders: I used to always sing this when someone close to me looked sad. (This usually made them run away covering their ears, for some odd reason).

"Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt: absolutely lethal after a break-up. Pretty much guaranteed tear-jerker.

More TV Trivia: In another episode of the Office, Michael Scott plays "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt over and over again when his girlfriend breaks up with him. The funny thing is he is playing it from a website that only provides part of the song so you can preview it before buying it, so he just keeps listening to that same part repeatedly because he doesn't want to pay for it. I repeat, great show!

As my iTunes on random continues to play, I will probably find more music to add to this list. For now, I'm gonna go wallow in self pity.

Juuuuuuuust Kidding!

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day 

*******

Song of the day. Correction, song of the week. Better yet, song of the month.

Ok, I'm being dramatic. It's at least song of the day, though.

GOSH!!!!!!!!! The exam was really difficult and frustrating. Ok enough. That's all I'll say about those 2 hours of my life.

After the test we all went for sushi and I had 4 or 5 sake bombs. Got home and took a devastating nap, in hopes of waking up and forgetting about that awful test. I woke up pissy, with a strong desire to break stuff.

Now, onward. Time for studying more, studying harder, and aceing the next physiology exam to make up for this one.

GOD WHY!?!?!

Ok I'm done now.

So, the song above is Daniel Powter's "Had a Bad Day" and I absolutely love it. When I searched for the lyrics I found a site with the music video, which is really cute. I hadn't seen it before.

This song always cheers me up at least a little bit when I've had a bad day. Part of it is because whenever I call my friend Monica to talk about my shitty day she sings "Cause you had a bad day... you're taking one down......." Every time. Without fail. It cracks me up. It's very catchy.

That's all I have to say for now.

One Dozen Eggs: $3.49
One Package Turkey Bacon: $2.99
One Package American Cheese: $3.99
One bag whole wheat wraps: $2.59
Incense to get rid of the bacon smell: $2.00

Waking up early and making yourself the most incredible, sexy bacon, egg, and cheese wrap to get you ready for your crazy psycho intense physiology exam: Priceless.

For everything else, there's marrying rich. Er, I mean, Mastercard.

Ok. This is it. It's go time. I'm pretty calm. The caffiene should change that soon enough.

The breakfast was really sexy. And I was too lazy to do the fractions for the prices. I mean, I didn't eat all 12 eggs (although I really could have)... so it really should be $3.49/6 because I only had 2.... but YOU GET THE POINT. STOP JUDGING ME DAMNIT!!!!

Yup. There's that caffeine.

kthxbye!

I have no idea why I decided to make this post so colorful. It's like a messed up rainbow or something. Yay for Gay rights, then!

I know there's no brown on the rainbow but I ran out of colors. The rainbow isn't pastel colored either, so stop being nitpicky.

I'm silly I should've just started over. But does that mean I have to go thru all the colors again?

Damnit, I said bye already. I should be studying. But I'm just so tired. I've reached my saturation point. My friend is coming over in 5 minutes to go over some stuff, so this can be my lil' break before that. STOP JUDGING ME DAMNIT. Fine. I'll go study. You smell.

I'm

so

scared

right

now!

That's it... less than 12 hours till showtime.

This exam is sucking the life out of me. There are no nails left to bite, no chocolate left to binge on.

I am worried. Like, I know anxiety is bad, mmkay, but there is a definite cause for alarm. Or at least definite cause to prepare oneself for the possibility that this exam will be difficult and that an A is not likely to happen.

It's not just me freaking out. Everyone is.

Why? Because no matter how many times you read this material, it's still confusing as hell. What happens when you increase potassium conductance, they ask. And you stop, you think, you have your answer, and it makes sense in your head. You reason it out 2 more times. You circle the choice that corresponds to it, and flip to the answer sheet, only to find one of four things:

1) your reasoning was completely flawed, and your answer is incorrect
2) you didn't know about a new twist that was conveniently NOT included in the professor's lecture/class notes/powerpoint, and your answer makes sense but it's not the best one, and so it's incorrect,
3) you mixed up + and -, and- guess what- your answer is incorrect
4) by some miracle, you were right (Very, very rare. Often accompanied by disbelief and a squeal of excitment. Brings about a strong desire to high-five yourself).

What possibly makes it all worse is.... you go back to the same damn questions the next day, and you get some wrong that you had gotten right the day before. And you don't know why. This just makes you realize that you DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE MATERIAL. You're not grasping it. It's like trying to stab spaghetti with a fork. Only worse.

I am not exaggerating. And I'm not the only one. These past few days have been spent sending/receiving frantic instant messages asking... "why is the answer to number 4 D?" and stuff like that. Everyone from the group of classmates I associate with regularly has, at one point today, told me that they are experiencing the same issues with answering questions (see list above).

This is scary. But at least I'm not alone. I can only hope the medical students are suffering this much, because our grading scale is based on their performance...

See what this class is doing to me? It's got me wishing suffering on other people. That's SO not my style.

Go up to ANY doctor and ask him what happens when you increase potassium conductance in a smooth muscle cell. I'll bet he has no clue. WHY MUST THEY TORTURE US THIS WAY!??!?!?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

And to think... if I get into med school I have to take physiology all over again.

Ah! Speaking of getting instant messages... I finally got one today that has nothing to do with the exam. Just one minute ago, my friend Anna decided to IM me with some extremely disturbing images. My question to her is... Was the swelling caused by an increase in osmolarity in the area?

And now it's time to stop blogging and start flogging (myself) because I deserve it for not studying more.

Just when you think things aren't going your way..... something pleasant happens

YAY!!!

I found my gloves!

My silly self went out to CVS earlier last week and when I got home I was so desperate to pee that (I guess) I threw my gloves in the CVS bag, threw the bag on the floor, threw my jacket on the couch, and never looked back. I pretty much throw stuff all over the place when I get home, and then I wake up some mornings in shock of the disaster-zone that I have created.

Anyway...

Today, just a few minutes ago, in the middle of learning about muscle spindles and gamma motorneurons I decided I wanted to organize the ocean of papers I am drowning in. I reached under the coffee table for the CVS bag to grab the new binder I bought and- lo and behold- there were the wonderful black gloves that my mommy got me.

Yes, they're just gloves, and their total value is less than 10 bucks. But for some reason this made me really happy. Maybe it's all the caffeine.

Another good thing: the studying is going nicely so far. I've been at it nonstop since noon. I woke up super late (11 am) but the day is young and I have all night and all day tomorrow. I think I've reached that point where it's all finally coming together...

Hopefully the glove discovery is indicative of more good stuff to come. Like, an A in physiology. That would be sweet.

Thank you, Universe, for not picking on me anymore... at least for the time being.

And now, I'm going to stop writing, because I know that this is me just slacking. This post should've been one sentence long: "I found my gloves."

Sidenote: yay for Super Mario Bros. Is this broad's name Princess Peach or Princess Toadstool? Whatever it is, she looks happy.

OK... back to intrafusal fibers and proprioception. Say that ten times fast.

Once again, not my idea of an ideal blog topic....

There is something wrong with me.

For about 1.5 weeks now, I have reverted to a bitch-like state. At least once a day, something makes my blood boil. You'd think that's a good thing, considering the weather, but it's really not.
I don't like this, blogging complaints and stuff. But I feel I must.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately, but I've been pretty irritable. Perhaps it's the excessive amount of caffeine? Anxiety of getting in to medical school? The incredibly important and frightening physiology exam (Monday, January 29) that I should be studying for instead of blogging? (And to all those stupid guys out there, NO IT IS NOT PMS. I hate it when guys just throw that acronym out there, as though they could even begin to know how annoying it is. UGH!) See? Look at how bitchy I am! Plus, PMS wouldn't THIS long. That would be a cruel, cruel joke.

Anyway, I am really really irritable for no good reason.

Take, for example, today. Today we had a "review" for the exam. Two hours of the teacher making us feel as though we know nothing by giving convoluted explanations to simple problems. A friend asked me to take notes for him, and so the pressure to take good notes was quadrupled, of course. So, I'm trying my best to take awesome notes, for myself and my friend, and I find myself frustrated, unable to get everything down. To make matters worse, the two girls sitting behind me decided to chat it up.... LOUDLY. And the worst thing is, they were giggling about boys (what an unworthy topic!) Ten minutes into it I thought my head was going to explode. The last sentence in my notes reads something like "the action potential is slowed... I missed the rest because there are people behind me talking loudly." The slight relief came when I saw that most of my classmates left the review early (good indication of its worthlessness). I stuffed my laptop in my backpack and stormed out. It took a good 10 minutes for me to calm down and get over it. The combination of not understanding anything the teacher was saying, the pressure of taking notes for my friend, and those annoying chatty mac chattersons behind me just really really got to me.

Now, those who know me well have experienced my firey temper at one point or another (I know Aldo's reading this saying YUUUUUP). But, I'd say I've improved greatly over the past couple of years. I've learned to not get so upset over silly things. I learned to control my scary temper. I learned to not sweat the small stuff. Now, I'm not saying it NEVER happened, but I generally saved the rage for stuff that was sort of a big deal, and it was significantly more controlled. Most people I interact with on a daily basis have no idea what kind of beast lingers behind this big cheesy smile.

But lately, I feel like I've gone back... waaaay back.

Sidenote: I'd be a hypocrite extraordinaire if I said that I never talk in class. And my voice really carries- a lot. Now, I'm not saying I'd be as annoying as the girl behind me was being today, but I am admitting that there have been days where I may have been disruptive in class. For this reason, I'm usually way more forgiving about people chatting it up around me in class. I'm not shy, I'll throw out a "SHHHHHHHHHHHH" if it gets ridiculously loud... but today I didn't have the balls to do it. Maybe cause one of the girls is actually nice, I've talked to her a couple of times, and I'm not one to confront and piss people off like that, either (in other words, I'm a pussy). Plus, it was her friend being loud.

I digress. The point is, any other day I'd deal with that situation just fine... moving seats if I had to (maybe a little bit of eye-rolling). But today, I just couldn't handle it with even a molecule of grace.

It's been like this for the past 1.5 weeks or so, and I don't like it. Every morning, I tell myself that I will be in a good mood all day, but somewhere between breakfast and getting to school I forget it all. I even tried the "force yourself to smile and then you'll feel better" thing. Nope. Nothing.

I find that I'm happy/relaxed when I'm cooking, though. I also noticed a few weeks ago that I really enjoy cleaning things... I realized this when I was cleaning the stove. I took apart all the take-apartable parts and cleaned them well, and the stove was shiny, and my soul was shiny too.

Combine these symptoms with the undeniable desire to be around babies all day, and all I can think of is that I am SO ready to be a bitchy barefoot and pregnant housewife.

NOT!

But I really do like cooking and cleaning.

I'm hoping that this whole psycho Mariana alter-ego will disappear soon. I've also been having lots of weird dreams (none as weird as the boob job one, though). It's not that they're really that weird, it's more that they are so realistic. Vivid. And I can recount so many details from them. They flow smoothly, they lack the usual lucidity and disjointedness (is that a word?) that dreams usually have.

My self diagnosis:

I have a condition known as "awesomitis." Since birth, I have been producing more of the awesomeness protein than the average human, and my body finally can't keep up with it all, so it's reacting negatively.

The remedy: it has been shown that awesomitis symptoms will be exacerbated during periods of high stress, but the consumption of chocolate and fried foods such as onion rings will significantly decrease the occurence and severety of symptoms.

So there. Problem solved (sort of). In the meantime, don't look at me wrong. As a matter of fact, don't even talk to me unless I initiate conversation. Ok? THAAAANKS.

One more thing. I really like physiology even though it's making me crazy. It's so interesting. We learned about electrocardiograms and I thought that was so cool.

Ok leave me alone.

WTF?

No, honestly though... what the hell is going on today?

I hate to be a Negative Nancy/Debbie Downer, and I apologize for blogging about this. I am in a poopie mood, stressed about the exam. To make matters worse, the Universe is plotting to make my life miserable through a series of small, unimportant- yet frustrating- events.

After writing this post, I have promised myself that I'll stop with the self pity, figure out what I'm eating for dinner, and study study study.

But first, the bitching.

I present to you two lists.

List 1: Things that went wrong today

-My eggs were overcooked this morning. And by overcooked, I mean that the yellows were not completely liquid. Yes, I realize, the egg is still edible, and that most normal people eat their fried eggs this way. And, for the first time in my LIFE, I ate the eggs that way (there weren't any left to cook, and I was starving!). The issue: the texture of the yellow when it's cooked makes me gag usually, but I tried my best to balance it out with just enough egg white. I realize this is weird. I have worked on it a lot, though. I used to not eat bananas, beans, or mashed potatoes because of their texture either, but I'm over all that. The yellow part of the egg-whether hardboiled or fried- was one I could never deal with. So after all that yuck,
I patted myself on the back for this great feat, and promised myself that the messed up eggs fiasco was not God's way of foreshadowing an annoying day. See? I stayed positive!

-I forgot my wallet at home. This never happens to me. EVER. I also didn't pack lunch. No biggie- that's what friends are for. The honorable Anna was kind enough to throw me 6 bucks. Yay.

-I had no energy at the gym. I'm talking, pooped out. I did some cardio and was able to do some other stuff, but I was feeling really weak and tired. I think I got a decent workout nonetheless.

-I lost my gloves. My mother got me a nice set: scarf, gloves, hat. I lost the hat on Saturday, which was fine cause I have 2 more. On the other hand (no pun intended) I only had one pair of gloves.

-After realizing that I had lost my gloves, I was on my way home planning out what I'd buy from the grocery store. I desperately need to get groceries. Then it hit me. How could I buy groceries WITHOUT MY WALLET? So now I can either waste time walking all the way to the supermarket, getting groceries, coming back, then being too tired to study, or I can just make do with what I have in the fridge (baking soda and mozarella sticks, anyone?)

-The CD/DVD drive on my less than 6 month old laptop has decided to stop working. Whoopie.

-Plants in my apartment keep dying. Not only have I killed most of the plants belonging to the owners of this apartment, but I've also managed to kill the new pretty flowers I bought. That's what I came home to, dead flowers. Too much water, I guess.

And now, for list number 2: Things that went well today

-N/A

Freezing Weather, Cold Pizza and Real Boobies

It's really really cold.

Too cold.

I even turned on the radiator last night (first time ever!) and it's still cold as hell.

It's supposed to be 40 degrees Fahrenheit by noon today, which is not so bad. That is, quite possibly, the only thing that's got me still getting ready to go to school. Otherwise, I'd be curled up in bed underneath the covers.

To make matters worse this morning, I feel as though I was grinding my teeth all night. Ah- telltale symptom of STRESS!

Also, it could have been the crazy dream I had. Get this: The dream begins with me sitting in the waiting room of a doctor's office with a very tight sports bra on, and my boobies are sore as hell. I somehow realize that I had chosen to get a breast augmentation (something I would never do unless I were unlucky enough to get breast cancer and have my breast(s) removed). The thing is, I can't remember why I was at a plastic surgeon's office and how I arrived at the decision to do something so unnatural and unnecessary. So, I'm sitting there in the waiting room with a friend, I can't remember who, and I just keep asking her, "what happened?" and she has no clue. So I go to the front desk and I ask the lady what the hell I did to myself and she tells me that I got breast augmentation and I "had my lips done." I run to the mirror and my lips look just a little puffy with some horrendously tacky pink lipstick all over. I decide to go to the bathroom to check out my new rack- I mean hey, it's been done- and much to my dismay they are uneven and there's some kind of crazy going on with the areolas. So alls I'm thinkin is OH MY GOD I'M LIKE TARA REID BUT NOT RICH! Then I start thinking that maybe the doctors did something crazy like steal my kidney or something (Nip/Tuck influence, for sure). I also worried about the content of the fake boobies, since the total cost, according to the lady at the front desk, was only $299. I thought, are these saline or silicone (which was recently made legal again)? Will I be able to breast feed my child? The dream lasted a little while longer... Somehow the dream jumps to me asking my mother (best mom ever!) if she breastfed all of us and then I lost track from there.

I had a bunch of other weird dreams but I didn't stay in bed long enough to remember them (thankfully). I am glad I woke up with my own boobies, and my own lips, which are puffy enough if you ask me.

I usually have vivid dreams with a lot of detail, but this one was just crazy! It's nuts that I even remember so much of it.

So now that I got that off my chest (ha-ha... oh Jesus I crack myself up) I should go enjoy my cold pizza breakfast. Blogging sort of warmed me up a bit. I will probably have flashbacks of the rest of my subconcious' eventful night, because that always happens. Something will just trigger a thought and then you realize, "hey, I dreamt about this..."

PS- recollecting a dream can be a grammar nightmare because, as we learned in middle school English, you should stay consistent with your tense. I went back to my dream story and found, much to my horror, that I had begun in past tense and somehow swithced to present tense. It's actually present progressive I believe, because it's a moment-by-moment recollection, but I might be wrong! Either way, you don't need to know what the name of the tense is to know that you're using it. So, I had to go back and change all my verbs. I'm slightly disappointed in my writing. But hey, at least my areolas are still intact!

SNOW!

It snowed today. I didn't go outside, though, because it was a super serious study day. I didn't study nearly as much as I had wanted to, but at least I got something done.

To celebrate I treated myself to pizza. I deserve it!

This week is going to be filled with pre-test anxiety and psychosis. I hope the daily walk to school will help me be calm. I also hope I can get a 100 on the exam. Sigh.

Today when I realized it was snowing I was just like *meh* which is weird for someone who has only seen snow once before (NY, last year). It's strange that I wasn't more excited about it. That changed slightly when I got my first glimpse of snow up close when I went to get my pizza (I had to go downstairs and get it because this STUPID apt complex can't figure out how to program my name into the directory to let people in). The snow looked so nice and white, so pure, so fresh and so clean. I'll take pictures tomorrow during my walk.

Time to rest.... Good night cold world.

Helllloooooo blog world.

Last night I held game night part deux. GREAT SUCCESS *Borat Voice*

Game night is so much fun! I LOVE GAMES! I get really excited and pretty competetive and it's just a lot of fun. Also, I really like having people over. I live out of the way and far from Georgetown, so it's a rare event.

Speaking of how inconveniently far away I live, I have walked to school 3 times so far this week. I guess part of my "New Year's list of Resolutions and Revisions to the way I live" would include walking to school instead of relying on public transportation. The advantages are three-fold: 1) exercise, 2) it's freeeeee, 3) it's quality alone time. I hope I'll keep it up.

Speaking of New Year's Resolutions, I did not tell anyone person what my real New Year's Resolution is. Things like that lose value to me when I tell other people (I don't know how to explain that). Either way, it is an important exercise in shutting-up, and I am much more willing to stick to the resolution now (and more serious about it).

Some good New Year's Resolutions I've heard from those around me so far include: Giving up french fries for a year (yikes!), having better posture, not smoking pot anymore, saving money, and doing well in school (that one applies to everyone around me right now, probably!)

I like hearing what people have resolved to do and watching their execution of it. It's interesting to see who sticks to it, who doesn't, who cares that they stuck to it, and who forgets about their Resolution come February.

But the "Doing well in school" resolution is definitely one that people really do stick to, especially in the Stressful Masters Program- er, I mean, Special Masters Program (a wonderfully expensive one year program where you spend a year proving that you are medical school-worthy). It's crunch time. Everyone is pretty much freaking out right now. This is a tough semester, it's NOW when we're supposed to hear from medical schools. People who have gotten interviews and haven't heard back are freaking out. People who haven't gotten any interviews are freaking out more.

So, basically, I think anyone in my program who hasn't been accepted yet is basically in OH MY GOD I MUST GET AN A+ IN EVERYTHING mode (including myself). It's not cool. I can't bear the look of the white hair on my head, or my devoured nails. I can't imagine the thought of waiting until April or May to know that I am in somewhere.

And I am not going to lie, it's getting to me. I spent the greater part of last week annoyed, frustrated, and anxious. Even before people came over for game night, I was like BLEH. But after things got rolling, the fun-filled excitement brightened up my day. I went to bed feeling nice and I woke up ready to study all day.

So, my January 20 resolution will be to have game night again sometime soon. I know I can stick to this one. : )

Last week in review: A Victory, An Interview, and A Birthday

The week kicked off (no pun intended) with the Gators winning the national championship... Not only is this a great moment in Florida football history, but it provided an excellent setting for my first medical school interview in Gainesville.

Got to Miami on Wednesday evening. My flight was short, and I consumed a few glasses of wine. First class is sweeeet! I studied a bit, finished the sudokus in American Way Magazine, and took a little nap. It was nice to come home for the third time in a two month period.

Thursday I drove to Gainesville with my pal Al(do). It’s quite a drive, but we made plenty of pit stops which really helps.

The night before the interview I was pretty darn nervous, but I tried not to think about the interview. The morning of the interview I woke up at 6 and enjoyed a hearty breakfast. I put on my suit, jewelry, make-up, and shoes and at the moment when I was ready to go, it hit me. This is it. This is what determines whether or not the wonderful institution, the University of Florida, will accept me as a student in their medical school. And so, in a moment of nervousness, anxiety, excitement, and fear, I cried a little. Just a little! It was a 30 second outburst, at most. After running to the mirror to find that my make up was still perfect (yay for waterproof make-up!), I felt a heck of a lot better. I must say it’s nice to wear a suit. I felt like an adult; a woman with power and strength and I wanted to roar. But not without crying a little bit first…(followed by a helpful "its gonna be okay/you're gonna do great" hug from the very supportive Aldo).

Tangent: some people count to ten, some people punch a wall, some people hyperventilate, and others just hold it in… when faced with an emotionally charged moment, I invariably cry. It’s annoying sometimes and even embarrassing. For example, while watching a movie with friends, the last thing I want them to see is me crying over one small semi-cheesy scene. I’m just a big baby!!!

Moving right along, the interview day was long and tiring. The school is awesome! Gainesville is a quaint little town with friendly people (pretty much the exact opposite of Miami). I wouldn’t mind living there for 4 years!!! The interviews (there were two) were nerve-wracking but the interviewers were nice. And now, there’s nothing else to do but wait. And write thank-you letters. And update the school with how wonderfully I’m doing at Georgetown (hopefully). My fingers and toes are crossed.

After the interview, we celebrated at a wonderful restaurant called Ballyhoos. If you’re ever in Gainesville for some odd reason, you absolutely MUST eat there. The food was incredible. It was cool too, because the Gators’ coaches and coordinators were eating at a table 3 feet away, with some new recruits. Aldo nearly wet his pantaloons in excitement.

The next day we attended a pep rally at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium (AKA The Swamp) to honor the Gators. What a nice stadium! Gainesville has THE BEST college football fans. Period.

We drove back to Miami after doing some memorabilia shopping and just relaxed for the rest of the evening. The road trip always feels shorter on the way back for some odd reason. We stopped a billion times, too!

Sunday (yesterday) I woke up with hopes of going to the beach, but the sky was cloudy (boooo). I purchased a new cell phone, because I misplaced the old one somewhere in Gainesville. The old one was really really old, with its buttons worn off. But it withstood so much of my abuse. I will miss that little phone!

I was ready to get a new one anyway. I chose the tiniest phone I could find, and it sure is tiny. It looks like a toy. Like the phone Derek Zoolander carries around, only in silver. I love it! It is actually the smallest camera phone in North America. Can you tell which is the new phone, and which is the old??? I think that the phones are represented to scale (sort of?) to give the idea of how small this tiny little phone really is. Let's see how long it takes me to lose this one. Chances are it'll happen soon, since I dished out the extra cash to buy it instead of getting the phone that came free with upgrade.

Anyway, I proceeded to have lunch with the lovely and talented Monica. There is never a dull moment with her.

In the evening, after a devastating two hour nap, I threw together a last-minute birthday celebration for the honorable Aldo, whose birthday is today.

Happy Birthday Aldo!!! This post is for YOU, in orange and blue. (Happy Birthday Martin Luther King, also… today is his actual birthday).

Last night was a lot of fun. I really enjoy spending time with my friends, and I’m sad to leave. I know I won’t be back for a while, and I’ve been in Miami 3 times in the past 2 months or so (I’ve been spoiled!) I’m kind of thinking it wouldn’t be terrible to come back to Miami for med school. Then again, I know I’d be incredibly distracted, not to mention miserable living at home.

Whatever, that’s not even something to be thinking about right now…For now, it’s back to life, back to reality. Time to buckle down and buckle up, ‘cause this semester is gonna be tough. I know I’ve probably written that in every post for the last month… but now I really really really mean it. The fear of not getting into medical school this year is a huge motivating factor. Another motivating factor is that I know that putting in the hard work now will help me have the easiest first year of medical school later.

Stress!

Yikes!

Pow!

And so now, I’m sitting here at the airport, mentally preparing myself to get home and get busy. I have to do groceries and laundry, cook, go to the gym, and study. Of this list, I’m sure I’ll do groceries. That’s about the only thing I’m sure about.

And now, we have to switch gates. I hope the flight isn’t going to be delayed, because then FOR SURE I won’t do most of the things on the aforementioned list.

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It's 9:47 pm. I did groceries, and I cooked. I'm going to study a bit then go to bed. See? I did almost everything on the list! YAY ME!

Yesterday's walk proved to be exceptionally nice. I wandered down Connecticut Avenue looking for an outdoor coffee shop. After walking for a while, I remembered that during my walk home on Thursday, I had seen a sign pointing toward the National Cathedral somewhere on Connecticut Ave. I found this sign, and figured the Cathedral would be a short walk away. It was actually 2 miles away... It didn't matter, the weather was so nice that it was worth it. The Cathedral is gorgeous! We learned about Cathedral architecture in AP Art History in highschool, and I always loved that stuff!!! I didn't get to go inside because it wasn't open to the public after 4 pm. I am glad I spontaneously decided to swing by.

On the way there I had a lot of time to think about stuff. I also got to see lots of people walking around, enjoying the weather. I saw so many children, which is always nice. I am convinced that my biological clock is ticking very loudly right now. Every time I see young children, I can't look away, and a silly grin comes over my face. I can't help it! I always dream about babies, too.

But I know I won't be having kids any time soon. Until then, I will oggle other people's babies and sigh.

And now I should try to be productive, It's 6:30 pm. I should AT LEAST study for an hour or two. Hit up the gym, shower, and sleep early.

hah!

More like: browse the internet, talk on the phone, cook, browse the internet, shower, sleep.

It's a beautiful day!!!

It's like, 70 degrees outside.

Global warming!!!

I will take a nice long walk until I encounter a place to sit and read for a while. I rediscovered the fact that I have one of my favorite childhood books, A Wrinkle In Time, sitting on my bookshelf. I would like to read it again. I have the memory of a 98 year old woman named Ethel, and so, I never remember anything about books besides "I liked it" or "it made me cry." I may also study a bit. This semester is gonna be stressful as hell and I should get a head start.

Speaking of stress, I was sitting here eating my breakfast (omelette with mushrooms,onions, cheese, and turkey bacon... yum!!!) and I decided to "stumble" through websites. I found this link. It's about how to deal with stress. A lot of the stuff on the list is stuff that I learned in the 4+ months I've been in this program. The rest of it I either learned before that or still haven't quite mastered (ie write everything down). It is a good list. StumbleUpon is awesome. It has exposed me to so many interesting sites. It has also been the reason for much of my procrastination, and therefore stress. Luckily for it, it redeemed itself today by showing me this website. I forgive you, Stumbleupon toolbar!

Moving right along, last night I hosted the first ever "game night" at my inconveniently far apartment. It was fun. I hope to have many more, but I fear all social activities will come to a screeching halt once this semester gets rolling.

Now is the semester of our discontent! It will be an ass-rape semester. It's not a joke. Not funny at all. Very scary. YIKES.

On that note, I should get started on my walk and enjoy this weather while there's still time.