Today we had a class meeting to discuss our end of the year paper and "second year strategy" for those individuals who aren't lucky enough to be accepted into medical school for 2007. During this little speech, I glanced around the classroom in my usual ADD way. Somber looks everywhere. If a stressometer existed, the needle would swing quickly all the way to the maximum value, and probably get stuck there.

It sucks.

So many great people in my program are still waiting to hear back from schools. Others didn't even get interviews. Day in, day out, it's stress, stress, stress!

The annoying part is that so many times, there's no rhyme or reason behind the whole process. Some really qualified, smart, personable people just don't get interviews/acceptances. The opposite goes for some not-so-qualified, not-so-smart people...

Something that lots of people in class have noticed is that WAY more girls have been accepted somewhere than guys. I thought maybe it was a "minority" thing (like in engineering, women get scholarships because there are so few of them, etc), but I'm starting to realize it may be something else; women have the whole "emotional intelligence" aspect on their sides. Interviewers are often looking for someone who is personable, someone who can show empathy. They are looking for an individual who will help patients feel comfortable. And what's more comforting than a mother's care? Who's easier to talk to? Confide in? Who's just oozing "trust me"??? Chicks! (note: Yes, this is a gross overgeneralization. Exceptions definitely exist, as anyone who has ever known women of the "cold hearted bitch" variety can tell you).

Women have the unfair advantage of being equipped to care, or at least they're assumed to be. I remember that in elementary school, most of the teachers were women. And by most, I mean 80-90%. In the ten years between Pre-Kinder and 8th grade, I had one male teacher. Will medicine be this way someday? (I can see my male peers shudder)... Of course not, that's preposterous.

Although this woman-bias has probably helped me a great deal, I cannot say it is completely fair. Yes, empathy is important. But it is by no means sufficient to make a great doctor. Without going into a great deal of detail as to why this female bias, if it does actually exist, is wrong, I'll just say this: getting into medical school is so damn hard and seeing tons great male candidates suffer while some not as great female candidates are getting in makes my stomach turn a little.

BUT, such is life. C'est la vie. Asi es la vida.

The med school admissions process is extremely flawed, no question about it. "Crapshoot" is one of those buzzwords I've heard a million times this year, and I can't deny that it's pretty true.

I don't know if the male/female imbalance exists outside our little torture chamber of a program. But I sure as hell know of lots of other unfair, illogical, crapshoot-esque instances in the admissions process both inside and outside of this program that really stink. It's about who you know, how much you donate, and schmoozing. There are games and there's ass kissing. There are ridiculous quotas. There's lots of other stuff that makes me work out my eye-rolling muscles. But, again, that's life. Just gotta deal with it and try your best to ignore the unfairness and try as hard as possible anyway.

I imagine that when the acceptances from Georgetown arrive in the next couple of weeks, the proverbial poop is going to hit the fan for some people. I don't even want to be around to see it.

There are so many people I am rooting for, and I know it's going to stink if they don't get in this year. I think that not getting in this year is not the worst thing in the world, it's a break before getting in next year. But not too many of my classmates would agree. The application process is truly awful, and having to retake the MCAT is a nightmare. Sigh.

I personally am keeping these stubby digits crossed for an acceptance, also. Staying in DC would make me so happy. I've grown to love this home away from home. The beauty of spring has only made it harder for me to cope with the idea of leaving. Maybe summer will help me change my mind...

Ok...

So Relay for Life was a lot of fun! Very tiring, and there were some chunks of time where I felt as though I wanted nothing more than a soft warm bed. The highlights:

-Hypnotist! I believe in hypnosis, and this is the first time I got to see it performed on people. I was originally in front of the audience, but when the hypnotist said "you cannot open your eyes" I did. She made me go sit in the audience. It was still cool!

-Luminaria ceremony. This included turning on some lights all around the track for anyone we knew who suffered from cancer, followed by walking in silence for all of the victims of cancer. It was very moving. Some sad music was playing the whole time, but the last song was "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. That song is amazingly good! One of my favorites. I'll post the lyrics when I get the chance.

I'd say those were the two main highlights for me. Our tent was the only one containing sober people (that's kinda sad!) We played lots of silly camp games and took some naps. We also ate a lot. I didn't take any pictures (I'm a bum!)

The next day we had a softball game, in which we OBLITERATED the competition. Last game of the season (there were only 4!).

That's the really really abridged version of my weekend. Now I have to run to school!

Tonight is Relay For Life!!! Super exciting!

I appreciate all of the support I receieved. I raised more than 400 smackaroos!

I imagine tonight will be memorable and fun. I'll post some pics later.

I also have my second softball game today at 4. Despite my complete lack of depth perception and/or athletic ability, I had a blast last time, and actually managed to hit the ball. Hold your applause, it's slow-pitch softball. The ball we use could almost qualify as a volleyball.

This week has been majorly busy for me and I imagine it's only going to get worse as the semester progresses. Hopefully the exhaustion will correct my insomnia (3 weeks, going on strong).

I just got super side-tracked and forgot what I was going to write about.

All I know right now is that I am OBSESSED with this Gym Class Heroes band. I mean, covering a Supertramp song indicates that they are pretty amazing. And thanks to you tube I've sampled some of their other stuff. Two stubby thumbs up!

Dinner, Breakfast, and Lunch.

I'm taking a small study break to eat dinner and write about food (one of my favorite subjects!)

I want to know who decided what people should eat at different times of day.

Like, for example, why do people always recoil in terror when I have chicken for breakfast?

Why do parents get mad when their children want to eat cereal for dinner? Or a bagel?

I've always enjoyed having breakfast food for lunch or dinner. As I grew older and began placing more importance on breakfast, I started doing the pizza for breakfast thing.

I mean, I loooooove cereal, bagels, pancakes, French toast (mmm), and other breakfast foods, but, realistically, these are probably the worst breakfast foods ever. Where's the protein? You eat that stuff at 8 am, and at 11 the hypoglycemia has you seeing double!

My breakfasts are usually something protein packed, a fruit and some coffee. Besides fried eggs and the occasional bagel/English muffin, nothing I eat is really normal breakfast food. Boca burgers, roast beef sandwiches, turkey and ham sandwiches with hot sauce (Siracha, it's amazingly good), peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pizza, and the occasional leftover chicken breast.

As much as I'd love to keep talking about food... I just got a call from Jackie, my old highschool pal who also lives here in DC. We're gonna go grab a drink. Yes, that's irresponsible of me. No, I don't care.

I was totally gonna stay home and only pseudo study anyway.

And tomorrow, for breakfast, I'm having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Deal with it.

So, a good friend asked me what my "Dream of dreams" would be...

That's a toughie, especially since I can barely decide what to eat for lunch every day.

I guess there are some basic elements that are in my dream life, including, but not limited to:

taveling a lot
having children
having a garden

Yeah. Simple, cheesy, and unoriginal.

I guess it's easier for me to think about my dream for next year.

I hope to be at a great medical school. I hope to live someplace where I can spend a lot of time outside without perspiring 2.5 gallons-worth. Somewhere interesting and exciting. I hope my classmates are cool people. The kind of people that would still be fun after 4 years of psychoticness.

That's about all for now.

Refreshing to think of nice stuff. It's been a long, looong day. Friday the 13th lived up to its reputation today, for sure. But it's over now, tomorrow's a new day. April 14. Four months till I turn 24.

yikes

It's 5:45 am..... do you know where my sleepiness is???

CAUSE I SURE DON'T!!!

Yeah, I'm just going to whine about my insomnia. I have nothing better to talk about and I'm hoping this will maybe bore me to death and cause me to doze off... Not likely. I'm easily amused.

Anyway...

Wednesday night,I successfully fell asleep at around 11:30 pm, with only about 3-4 incidences of waking up. I owe this to the copious amounts of alcohol ingested earlier in the evening; we all went to a wine tasting (3 whole sips!), and then to a bar (a lot more sips!). I made it to class on Thursday (all FIVE of them) and only fell asleep in one of them (it was horrifically boring).

So Thursday evening, after tutoring the rambunctious Howard, I headed over to a bar to meet with my future kickball team. There's a huge kickball organization here in DC where you make a team/league, play once a week at a specified location, then go to a bar in the area and play flip cup. Such fun! I missed the game because of tutoring, but I suck at sports anyway, so it's all gravy. I thought I'd suck at flip cup but I was pretty decent.

I'm excited about the kickball thing. A chance to meet new people, and not think about school or exams or any of that bologna. Yes, bologna. I can't bring myself to write "baloney" for some odd reason.

So after playing about 100,000 games of flip cup, I'd say I was pretty buzzed. Hopped on a bus and got home. Talked on the phone for a while, then hit the sack with great ease and grace. THEN, 2 hours later (approximately 3 am) BOOM I'm wide awake. I got some sporadic light sleep between then and now.

WTF, yo?

I guess I'm just gonna study Endocrinology until it's time for class. This is low-yield, ineffective study time. But hey, at least I'll be studying...

I just know that I will have to avoid human contact of any sort on this fine Friday, for anyone who crosses my sleepless path will suffer my wrath and anger.

Speaking of wrath and anger, someone, who we'll call John Doe, thinks I'm a hypocrite. Wait, let's call him Joe Dohn. Or how about Joe Dill. Yeah.

Anyway, Joe Dill claims I am a hypocrite because today I made a mean comment about someone's face.

AHEM. I do not claim to not make fun of people. All I was trying to say in the last post is that I loved my childhood, despite being made fun of and all that. I never said "OH MY GOD THE INHUMANITY. NO ONE SHOULD EVER MAKE FUN OF ANYONE, EVER!!!"

In an ideal world, fine, you shouldn't make fun of people. But this world is far from ideal, dear.

Buuuuut, I'm all about self-improvement through learning and adaptation, and so, I will agree that I shouldn't make fun of people in a mean way. But when it's in a joking way, it's all gravy. I will make a conscious effort to stop. Allrighty then.

Thank you, Mr. Dill, for helping me be a better person.... : )

Moving right along, and back to my insomnia, the pressure to perform is ON!

I was waitlisted at the lovely and wonderful University of Florida, my top choice, my dream school, the place to be.

Know what that means? That means I'll be more of a nutcase, trying to prove to them that I am worthy and that I want it so badly it hurts. How? Getting STRAIGHT A's.

And so maybe that's why I couldn't sleep tonight. Or maybe my body hates me. Whatever it may be, I need it to stop.

How am I supposed to be clear minded and ready to tackle the day? A good night's sleep is essential! Besides foggy-mindedness, lack of sleep has been linked to weight gain (really, I'm not making excuses), crabbiness, and an increased likelihood to injure oneself.

So all in all, if this lack of sleep becomes a regular thing, I'll be an oversized angry spaz.

Oh wait...

Another sleepelss night...

Last night, I was plagued by insomnia.

Tonight is proving to be no different.

It's annoying!!! Last night the sleepytime tea didn't work too well, at least not until about 8 am when I should've been up and on my way to class.

What IS IT? Is it the weather? Is it the obnxoxious sound the radiator makes? I turned that POS on last Thursday so that Monica wouldn't be cold, and all it did was annoy the crap out of us. It's impossible to turn it off. I try to tighten the thingie with as much force as humanly possible, but the stupid thing just hisses away.

I'm a weeeee bit frustrated!

Missing class sucked. I DID get a lot of stuff done, however, so I feel slightly better about it.

Tomorrow we only have one class, but it's at 9 am. This 9 am garbage is torture. I'm almost positive I'll miss the stupid class, which is not good.

Ok, enough grumpy stuff.

On a lighter note, 2 of my cousins from Lebanon, Alain and Michelle are in Montreal with their parents, and there's a webcam where they're staying. I got to see their cute little faces while they frantically typed in broken English on MSN. I love those kids!

Talking to children always makes me feel good. They are so different, their lives are not plagued by constant worry and fretfulness. It's like they're a different species. Or aliens. It's so refreshing to talk to the little creatures or watch them in action. Even the 12-14 year olds, in all their pubertal awkwardness and angst, with those pimple-ridden faces, can be somewhat charming. It's rare, but it happens. My little brother is the coolest kid in town. 12 years old, funny as hell!

Kids bring me back to my childhood. Yes, the childhood which was wrought with mean classmates and being ridiculed. Yes, the childhood where I was the huge obnoxious nerd who ran like a duck and had buck teeth. I got made fun of for lots of other stuff, too. It was painfully annoying. In retrospect, any adult would look at me as a child and say there's nothing wrong with this kid, needs some braces, but she's healthy and smart, comes from a great family. But when you're a kid, how do you know how lucky you really are?

It took me a while to get over the hurt from being made fun of so much. I'd say I really got over it at 22. No exaggeration. The kids were really mean.

In highschool I didn't get made fun of really, but the low self esteem was still there, going on strong. I managed to have an amazing experience regardless!

Nowadays, I'd say my life has been refocused to more important things. I still have the big teeth, and I'm still awkward as hell. At least I learned how to run properly (phew).

No more self hatred and thinking life really sucks. Yippeeee!

I wouldn't say I'm oooozing confidence, either. I just learned to accept the things I couldn't change and to get off my lazy ass and change the stuff I could change. Yes, that's the Mariana version of St. Francis' prayer (I think that's the one). I also learned to count my blessings. That helps me ignore all the not so great stuff (ie the double chin and the terrible tendency to say things I shouldn't)...

Digression about being overweight:
I apply the "prayer" to weight issues, mainly. Like every other female, there are days when I wake up and feel like a blimp. An extra-large, Goodyear blimp. And there are months like that, too. Although I exercise regularly and kind of eat healthy, I could afford to lose a few pounds. And by a few, I mean 15. But, unlike many of my fellow females, I have found a no BS approach that keeps me from becoming a helpless, pathetic, self-hating chubster when a blimp day rears its ugly head. AND NO, it's not: "Screw everyone, I don't care what they think. People should love me for who I am." This is a nice idea, but it's garbage. OF COURSE I CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK. I care. I'm human (kind of). And sure, I want people to like me for who I am, but if I'm not happy about who I am, it's gonna affect everything! It's a well known fact that a huge turn off for a woman is feeling unattractive.

And if it's something I can change, why not change it if it bothers me?!?! I refuse to fall into a spiral of self hatred and depression for something like weight, which can be fixed with WILLPOWER and EXERCISE. So, to all you fatties out there, quit whining and get off your oversized booty and DO something about it. And I don't mean stomach stapling or diet pills. Eat a salad, walk a mile, and quit your bitchin'. Until then, remember that there are people out there who think big girls need love too, and there are people out there who like plus sized mamas, but if you can't find these mythical people, I think my advice is golden. Accept it or change it, Lolita....

I dish this out, but I can't say there aren't days that I'm like "boo-hoo I'm fat." But it's not terrible, I promise.

Back to being made fun of: I actually still get lots of insults from my buddies, but it's all in good fun, and it's mainly because I hang out with too many guys. They throw in fat jokes, too, which is a good indicator that I'm not really FAT AS HELL (if I were, they wouldn't say that...) I usually participate and throw in some self-deprecating commentary, mainly because I'm so much wittier than most of my friends. And quicker, too! Also, super modest! YEAH!

I partly owe my liberation from the shackles of low self esteem to Aldo, who made fun of me so much that I became numb to insults and really good at dishing them out. If I told him that something really bugged me, he said it more until I just got over it. It was annoying as hell, but quite effective.

How did I get here? What was I talking about?

Ah, yes... childhood. In the end, despite how much I thought life sucked as a child, I remember my childhood fondly, especially when I hang out with young children.

As much as I love the little poop factories, I am terrified of having my own. TERRIFIED!

OK, now that I've bored myself and you to death, it's time to try to sleep again.

Insomnia sucks.

I haven't blogged in a while, on account of:
1) I had my Physiology final last Monday and have been partying ever since
2) Monica came to visit because we got "Easter Break" which means no class Friday or Monday (tomorrow).

Her visit has proven to be tons of fun! It's like I'm on vacation too!

On Thursday night she got here and barely had the chance to drop off her luggage before we were out partying at Dupont Circle with my classmates.

Friday we didn't do much during the day (it's been freakishly cold) then we went out to Adams Morgan for yet another night of FUN! It snowed (freak weather) which was great for Monica. It was her first time seeing snow fall. I was not so excited.

The snow was light, the next day there was just a little bit of snow sprinkled here and there. Monica was all giddy about it (see below)...

Saturday I took her to see the Monuments (Washington, Lincoln... *yawn*). Much to my dismay, the Cherry Blossoms were all dead (damn freak weather).
Saturday evening I hosted a game night (so much fun!)
We played three rowdy rounds of Taboo then some drinking games... It was intense (as usual), but everyone had a pretty good time!

Today, Easter Sunday, we went to Church then had an Easter egg hunt. Pffft. Just kidding.

What really happened: we sat around like lazy people watching TV all day and just "chillin." We ate at a Thai restaurant then went over to a friend's house to watch Entourage.

Now we're just sitting around, her: stuck to the phone, me: stuck to the computer. We would be lost without our electronic devices!

It's been an awesomely fun weekend. Tomorrow we'll do lunch at Georgetown then she's going to the airport. After that, it's study my butt off time yet again (oh yeah, exam in a week and 2 days!)

It's always just a little lonely whenever a visitor leaves. Sigh. You know what THAT means!!! I'll either go out and socialize instead of studying OR I'll blog and waste time online instead of studying.

Blah.

And now, a picture I took of the ceiling of the elevator in my building. I thought it was cool. Then again, I'm easily amused...