I'm back in the U S and A!

The journey back was long and tiring, starting with an extremely frightening plane ride from Banjul to Dakar at 6 pm Gambia time (2 pm Florida time) on Wednesday. The plane was small but clean and modern looking. I'm sure there are scarier planes out there, but relatively speaking, this was the scariest plane I've ever been in. 30 minutes later we were in Dakar, Senegal.

The rest of the trip:
Dakar to Brussels: 6 hour flight
Brussels airport for 6 hours
Brussels to New York: 7 hour flight (I think)
JFK airport: NINE AND A HALF HOURS!

Our flight to Miami was delayed. So close, yet so far! It was frustrating. Our patience worn thin, we ran out of things to do, card games to play. We did some yoga at the gate (we looked psychotic).

We finally got to Miami International Airport at about 1 am or so. 36 glorious hours of traveling. The rest of the group had it worse, however, since they still had to drive to their homes in Tampa, Sarasota, and Orlando afterward. Sheesh!

And now it's time to enjoy air conditioning, warm water, fresh vegetables. It's time to enjoy not being the only white people around. It's time to miss the pungent odor of Gambian armpits, and the aroma of fly-covered-fish in the marketplace.

Despite the nasty stuff, It was an amazing experience, and I do plan on revisiting the Gambia sometime in the future. In my future visit, however, I can count on this past experience there to guide me. I now know that I can trade old t-shirts and crappy watches for paintings and carvings at the marketplace. I know now that based on the color of my skin, I will get charged prices that are up to 15 times the actual amount. I now know that the only way to travel is via bush taxi, but that I should anticipate a very hot journey that will take about 4 times as long as it should, and that I will likely encounter something stinky everywhere I go.

Other valuable nuggets of knowledge:

-The Gambians believe that fish are part of the food group "vegetables." The vegetarian in the group learned this the hard way when, even though he had been told the dish he was about to eat was "vegetarian," he found pieces of fish and a nice fish bone in his okra.

-Medicine is highly valued, even when they don't know what it does. A man at the craft market nearly gave me his left leg for the container of tums I had in my bag. I got a nice painting instead.

-Gambian children often assume that white people poo money out. On more than one occasion, I was approached by a little snot monster who exclaimed "Toubab, give me five dalasi!" Translation: White person, give me 25 cents. At first it was kind of cute, but quickly became annoying.

-The Gambians are a reasonably happy group of people, and violence doesn't seem to really be an issue there. Nice!

-Gambians LOVE the United States. They are obsessed with American clothing, Barak Obama, and Fifty Cent (do they call him 10 Dalasi? Bad joke!)

That's all I can think of for now.

My time here is coming to an end...

And by "here" I mean both the internet cafe and Gambia.

We have stopped working and are now just being tourists, and it's been fantastic.

We will leave on Wednesday, July 16.

I will miss this place, I will miss the people, I will miss our beautiful hotel. I will miss actually being able to do medical stuff (back to the classroom and library... poo).

I am, however, ready to go home and process what I have learned, medically, culturally, and spiritually.

I bought a lot of nice artwork to hang up in my room and future new apartment, and it will help me remember the amazing time I had here.

A business that would fail in the Gambia:

A titty-bar.

Women pull those things out at the first notion of a baby whimpering. They are just everywhere. And BOY do I appreciate bras now.

The fourth of July- in Gambia

Friday was the 4th of July, and it was coincidentally a day that really made me appreciate our country. I spent the day in the maternity ward at one of the bigger clinics, Birkama.

The maternity ward was, to say the least, disgusting. Dirty floors, blood everywhere. Women bring their own sheets to give birth on top of. Often times, they defecate as a result of pushing (this happens everywhere, but is dealt with in a much more sanitary way in developed nations). They also bring the blanket to take their child home in. With no mention of sterility or sanitation, the baby is born, wrapped in a blanket, weighed, then placed in a little basin next to mommy. Was this little basin cleaned out before? Probably not.

I guess it's been done this way for years, and, based on the amount of children running around, it's been working out just fine. It just shocks the spoiled American medical student to see this.

Besides the uncleanliness, one of the cases we saw also turned our stomachs. it was a very sad case I would rather not write about, but it was possibly the most sobering thing I've seen here thus far.

On a brighter note, I saw the births of two baby boys. It was really exciting and cool. First two live births I've ever seen!

For some stark contrast, we saw a private hospital early this afternoon. Beautiful architecture, clean floors, real bathrooms. No air conditioning but still a palace compared to the other places we had seen.

More Gambia

There is so much to say about this place. I can't really organize it all in my mind while sweating at this internet cafe, so I'll just recount the events of this past week and work on a "Slice of Gambia" entry later.

Saturday we went to the home of a doctor who has been guiding us at the hospital. We ate some spicy okra with fish. The fish here is not delicious. The okra was doused in oil. I enjoyed it in a weird way.

The fish here, is just... so... fishy. But I'll write more on Gambian cuisine later.

After politely gagging our way through the meal, we got to see a show with drummers and people singing loudly (and a little bit obnoxiously), and then some guys in crazy costumes came out and danced and harassed us for money. Pictures to come.

Anyway, at first, we were excited to be seeing some culture. We were told this was some sort of show for children (and there were tons of children around), and we were like "yeah, Gambian culture!" And then, slowly, we all started to notice that attached to his elaborate costume, one of the dancers had some little stuffed animals and toys attached to his crotch area. He started air humping, we were confused, we laughed a lot, got harassed... it's all a blur kind of. But it was funny as hell. And weird.

Sunday we went with our guide, Sana, to his village, where we were expected to bring medicines and cure everyone's ailments. We were dreading this, mainly because we know so little and couldn't bring much meds. Also, the pressure was just insane. When we got there, they all gathered in a circle, thanked us for what we were doing, and played some music. An elderly woman sang to us in Mandinka (one of the tribal languages here), and made a coughing gesture in the middle of her song to indicate to us that she wanted us to cure the ailments. Talk about PRESSURE.

Then we set up three rooms in a compound and the entire village came through. Name, age, complaint? Written down. Blood pressure and glucose levels tested and recorded. Then the translators helped a few of us find out what was wrong. Then we wrote down the name of one of 4 or 5 drugs we had. Then, the patient came to the pharmacy, which was a table under a tree where we had the meds. We rotated and most of us got to experience all parts of this insane assembly line. There were so many people there that we needed someone to act as a bouncer at the door.

So many people just wanted to take advantage of the clinic despite being perfectly healthy. "I had diarrhea 3 months ago." "My knees hurt." It was like "The doctors from America are here, and they're giving stuff away for freeeee!"

This is not real medicine. This is not true healthcare delivery. We all knew it. But we couldn't help but feel good about what we were doing. Some of it was actually legit, but most of it was placebo.

The people were so grateful, and it felt so nice.

Monday I spent in the ER of the hospital looking through records. Nothing remarkable.

Tuesday I went to the smaller clinic and worked on their records. The handwriting here is terrible. It was very labor intensive.

Some of us spent the second half of Tuesday at a primary school. We came to teach the teachers about common illnesses in children, some tips about what to do when a child is sick, and proper hygiene. The children first greeted us with songs and some of them danced. It was heartwarming. Again, everyone was grateful for what we did, and it felt so nice.

The only downfall of that day was that our bus broke down.

About our bus: Known as a "gele-gele here in Gambia, ours was a certified piece of shit. We were paying about $65 a day for the gele gele to take us to where we needed to be and pick us up. When we arrived in Gambia originally, the gele gele picked us up and then its front axle broke on the ferry, creating a 2 hour delay we really didn't need after spending a million hours traveling.

The axle was fixed but the problems didn't stop there. Every time we needed to go somewhere, 4 or 5 of us had to push the giant gele gele in order to get it started. This was supposedly fixed and then on Tuesday the damn thing just gave up on us. True piece of shit. I would describe the actual gele gele but once I can post pictures you will understand what I cannot put into words.

Wednesday I went to the small remote clinic in Kubuneh. It was a slow day but fulfilling, since this is the place we get to do the most stuff (interview and diagnose patients). Since our wonderful gele-gele was broken, 4 of us took "bush taxis" to get there. It took three taxis, some walking, and a lot of waiting to get there. Total time spent: 2 hours each way. The bush taxis take lots of people, it's like a public bus in the US, except no AC, and 90% of the people are not wearing deodorant.

On the plus side, we got to do some shopping at the market and worked on our haggling skills. I got some nice presents.

And today is Thursday, and we got the day off, kind of. No clinics today, but we're working on our paper. Well, we're supposed to be.

On a personal achievement note: this is the first time I've used the internet since Friday, which means I lasted 6 days without visiting an internet cafe. Part of this was willpower, and part of it was circumstance, but either way, it feels kind of nice to be detached from the world I left behind when I came here.

I do miss warm showers and air conditioning. I miss fresh salads. I miss my friends and family.

This is so worth it, though!

I already see myself returning to the Gambia in the future, hopefully with better medical skills and more knowledge. Also, next time I'll bring more clothes to wear, and perhaps some make up. Days upon days of scrubs, ugly shoes, and messy hair = not really my style. I guess that's what my third year of medical school will be like. Also, it has been kind of nice not having to spend extended amounts of time asking myself "What should I wear?"

And on that note, I've exhausted the Gambia update.

The Gambia Healthcare experience, take one.

This week I was at the Royal Victoria hospital on Wednesday and today (Friday), and at a small clinic in a remote area known as Kubunheh.

The hospital is impressive considering we are in Africa. There are lots of fancy machines and facilities I did not expect. On the other hand, it is still a hospital in Africa. Sterility? Not so much. Air conditioning? Forget it.

On Wednesday I sat in the Emergency Room. Just like in America, there were lots of people waiting. Just like in America, there were people in there that didn't need to be in there. The only cases I saw were: a woman with hypoglycemia, a woman with hyperglycemia, and a highschooler who appeared to be having a panic attack (or was possibly faking it). So, sugar, insulin, and xanax or something like that were the treatments. *Yawn*

Thursday at the small clinic was completely different. First of all, this clinic is in the middle of NOWHERE, right next to expanse of nothing and field of grass; we arrived there via random dirt road. None of the patients spoke any English (many Gambians in the city do). I saw a child with malaria, two children with Yaws (skin infection common in children here), a pregnant woman who had headaches, a child with bad eczema, a man with a gaping arm wound, and a young boy with a large, infected burn on his right leg that he had gotten several days prior (who knows why he didn't come in sooner). I left the clinic nauseous and doubting my choice of career. I assume I contracted several illnesses from working there just one day. Nothing is clean, nothing is really sterile. I know that I'm a spoiled American who has only seen the over-precautious medicine practiced in developed nations, but this was a bit much for me.

The woman who owns the clinic is a retired British nurse who lives in a compound 10 minutes away on foot. We got to see it, and it was incredible. She had about 30 cats, 5 dogs, 3 birds, a monkey (!), a bunch of donkeys and goats, and some ducks and chickens. I mean, it was a zoo. She retired here and loves her life. Truly remarkable!

Today I spent the half day (it's a half day here on Fridays) at the neonatal unit. Tiny babies with tiny hands and little help or hope. We were told that most children born before 32 weeks gestational age do not make it. There is no surfactant, there are no ventilators. The neonatal unit was far from clean (as is everything here).

Must leave, no more time at internet cafe!

Greetings from The Gambia!

Things are... sweaty! I'm sitting in an air-conditioned internet cafe, however. Air conditioning is rarer here than 8 American medical students + one premed + one faculty advisor.

When we walk through the markets people stare at us, a huge group of people in scrubs, sweating like hell.

Some background:
The group consists of 6 of my classmates and myself, one fourth year medical student, one pre-med, and our faculty advisor. My classmates and I are here for two main things. 1- To conduct research on the emergency care here and try to create and execute a plan to improve it. 2- To bring medical supplies and our clinical skills (which are almost nothing) to a place that is full of people less fortunate than ourselves. We are also going to be doing some arts in medicine work, which involves helping patients, mainly children, feel better by bringing them art supplies and helping to distract them from their pain/boredom. The art supplies, which include origami and lots of crayons, have already proven useful outside of the clinical setting. When we stopped in Senegal to rest, our guide here brought us to a neighborhood where we were swarmed by about 40 children, yelling "Too-bab" (means white person). We origamied our lives away, and they absolutely loved it.

That's it for background. The trip thus far has been incredible in so many ways.

The journey to get here was really long, but served as a good primer for the next 30 days of hanging out with the same people. We all talked a lot, learned about each other, laughed, and slept. The flights were: Miami to New York to Brussels to Dakar (Senegal). I don't remember how many hours that was. Then we had to take a bus from Senegal to The Gambia. First, we stopped at the neighborhood with the 40 children and ate some delicious meat and rice. We were exhausted and stinky. The rest of the journey involved a very bumpy ride from Dakar to the Gambian border, which took a good 7 hours. At the border we did all that official government bullcrap that took another hour. Then about 2 hours from the border to the north part of the river, then a 30 minute ferry, then the axel of our bus broke and was stuck on the ferry and we waited an hour, then another hour to get to the hotel. Needless to say, we were exhausted. And cranky.

The sight of the hotel helped us breathe one big collective sigh of relief. Although far from the Hilton, this place looked pretty decent to us, despite our exhaustion.

We've got one "villa" where 6 people are staying now and one bungalow where the other 4 of us reside; the villa has a kitchen and living room. It's almost like a home back in the US, except there's no microwave, no air conditioning, and drinking water from the sink may very well be the end of you. The bungalow is smaller, like an apartment.

The hotel is *really* nice, though. I guess it's a resort by Gambian standards. Will post pics soon enough. There are beautiful trees and flowers everywhere, and you can see the beach from the roof of the villa. Coolest part of it all: there are MONKEYS everywhere.

Besides the monkeys, this is not what one would expect from Africa. But once you drive for about 10 minutes and leave the tourist area, you see the real Africa. You also SMELL the real Africa.

Speaking of the real Africa, there's no toilet paper anywhere.

So far, besides wandering around looking for food, we've seen one medical center as well as the hospital we will be working at. I'm still unable to put into words the vast difference between these locations and what we are used to back home.

We also walked around some of the markets in some extreme heat, which hindered our ability to appreciate most of the sights.

Everywhere we go, people ask us for money, as though the color of our skin indicates wealth and riches. Once we say we're American, this effect is amplified 10-fold. We're not really "white," though. There are two Indian girls, and Indian guy, one half-Indian/half-Palestinian, two middle Easterns (myself and my future roomate), a Vietnamese guy, and that leaves only 3 real-life whites. What a multicultural group! Either way, white or not, the people can tell we're all not-from-around here, which automatically means we must have money I guess.

The food is delicious but pretty heavy. Lots of rice and meat dishes. I haven't had a fresh veggie in what feels like ages. We've been cooking back at the hotel, but still not crazy enough to toss a fresh garden salad.

For now I must leave the internet cafe, because I only paid for 30 minutes and spent most of the time emailing. Will write again soon.

I'm so grateful to be here.

With love,
A very sweaty, stinky, Mariana

You know you're really busy when...

There are things on your to do list that you don't even understand anymore.

My to-do list says "email Mike"

Who is Mike, and why should I email him? I know about 2084 guys named Mike.

In other news, and probably the reason my to-do list has been ridiculous lately:

I'm going to Gambia tomorrow!

The Gambia, actually. We will be spending one month there, providing medical services and supplies, and just hanging out with sick, poor people. It's not quite backpacking in Europe, but when else would I get the chance to go to Africa?!

I'm in a state of excitement/fear/nausea. It's great. I would love to say "I'll post pictures while I'm there" or "I'll blog while I'm there" but chances are their local Starbucks doesn't have wireless.

Ok, time to go run around doing last minute things at the last minute.


Smallest country in Africa, here I come.

I thought I was coming back into the blog world...

I was wrong.

Life is busy lately, and it's very challenging to keep up with everything. Such is life. Such is medical school...

I just want to write one thing down, a piece of advice I received from a good friend. It's simple, and it's kind of Tony Robbins-esque. It sounds so foolishly simple, and kind of cliche, but it works:

Every morning, wake up, and say to yourself, "Today will be a great day!"

It's easy to do it and even easier to forget to do it.

The idea is, when you think negatively about something ie,"This class is terrible", it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm not cognizant enough right now to explain it well, but I promise, it makes sense.

I'm trying to tell myself "this week will be good" even though it's pre-test week and I've dug myself into a hole so deep that I'm more than halfway to China.

On that note... back to studying!

Beer!

We had a "case race" last night. Sometimes I wonder what parts of my life I'll leave out when I talk to my children.

Yes kids, in her first year of medical school, your mommy participated in a mindless drinking game that inevitably leads to bloating, stupor, and, of course, drunkeness.

But man it was fun!

It's fun to do stupid things and act like a stupid kid again. I wonder when I'll stop (or if I'll stop).

We got second place, because one of our teammates failed to mention that he has severe GI problems until 3 beers into the race. Sigh. What can ya do?

Portuguese word of the day:

janela

It means "window"

And I feel like it's in every single Brazilian song.

I wonder if it's in so many songs because it sounds so pretty, or if it's just a common word to use in songs.

As of right now, "Come to my Window" by Melissa Ethridge is the only song that comes to mind. Meh, not so great.

Speaking of Melissa Ethridge, Relay for Life happened yesterday here in Gainesville, and I couldn't participate because of the stupid ass exams we have tomorrow. (Melissa Ethridge had cancer, Relay for Life = American Cancer Society fund-raiser).

Anyway, that was the Portuguese word of the day. Good night, or shall I say Boa Noite.

Two things that have improved my academic life greatly (and that I really appreciate today):

1) Pandora radio. I've been using it for more than a year now. It cures musical boredom, and is great for studying (except for the occasional song that provides something confusing or interesting and thus sends me into curious google mode).

2) Facebook removal therapy. I gave my roommate my facebook password, and had her change it. She is not allowed to give me the new password until AFTER our two exams on Monday. This has increased productivity to at least 200%.

How sad is it that I had to go to such drastic measures in order to not waste endless hours playing Scrabulous and Attack and reconnecting with old friends and looking at people's profiles for no good reason?

Blogging used to be one of the distraction-devices I used when I was stressed out, but I really lost all inspiration when someone accused me of talking about medical school too much.

I don't want medical school to define me, but since it takes up about 95% of my time while awake (and is the subject of 40-60% of my dreams, depending on how stressed I am that week), I really have nothing else to talk about most of the time. Also, no time to talk about it, even if I did have something to talk about.

But here I am, talking (writing, whatever).

Whenever I hang out with non-med school friends (ie when I go back home), I find myself to be possibly the most boring person ever.

Hopefully, I can do something amazing this summer and have something to talk about for a while. Hey everyone, listen to me, I'm interesting again! Woo-hoo!

What exacerbates the whole situation is the fact that I live in Gainesville. Although I am starting to grow fond of this little city, it really doesn't provide much excitement.

Allow me to elaborate...

(((Before I do, I must point out that I completely recognize that using blogging as an excuse not to study now that Facebook's gone. It's like, blogging is Nicorette and Facebook was the pack of cigarettes. Or something like that. Hey at least writing is cathartic. Facebook is just an abysmal waste of time.)))

Anyway... as I was saying, Gainseville is not so hot.

The city demographics:
Almost 100,000 undergraduates, all drunk and living the American college experience.
A couple thousand Grad students, all drunk and suffering the American Grad school experience
Old people

That's it. Really.

The night life:
Oh, what's that? An entire 1.5 mile stretch on an avenue, littered with bars, clubs, and tiny restaurants to eat at when you're drunk at 2 am? WOW! Yes, the bars in Gainesville can be fun occasionally, but they're all in the same place. Yeah, that 1.5 mile stretch on an avenue. Namely, University Avenue. The part of it that's North of campus is called "midtown" and then east of that it's called "downtown" and that's pretty much all there is to it. The clubs play bad music and the ones that are semi-decent try to make you wait outside as though it were South Beach and Paris Hilton was stripping inside. Drinks are cheap, though.

Let me interject my overwhelming whining and negativity with an important note: I have had a LOT of fun going out in Gainesville. But that's just because I know how to have fun, and I know fun people. And alcohol helps.

Back to the negativity: Everything closes at 2 am. This is stupid, because it only means people will be more drunk when they drive home. Furthermore, taxis are a JOKE, and so is public transportation. Basically, driving on a Friday or Saturday night is a death wish, because there are stupid drunk kids driving around because the damn clubs closed at 2 and no one even thinks taxis exist in this city.

Ok, that's it for night life.

Other:
The restaurants here SUCK. I'm spoiled; DC had so many great places to eat, with so many cultural options... Ethiopian, Thai, Middle Eastern, Turkish, Indian, Latin, etc etc etc... Gainesville is littered with chain restaurant after chain restaurant. Chili's, Fridays, Applebees... I guess this has been good for my health , my cooking skills, and my wallet, but I sure do miss the delight of eating strange food.

Anything at a Salon is 4x more expensive and 10x lower quality than Miami. Yes, I know, I shouldn't keep comparing Gainesville to Miami and DC. But I will. I would sooner have my 3 year old cousin cut my hair than risk getting it done at a Salon here. Ok, I'm exaggerating. But that's what stressed out women do. We exaggerate.

Oh, wait, the one *great* thing to eat here is some good ol' BBQ. There are BBQ pits everywhere, and they're all cost effective, tummy gratifying, and artery clogging, as they should be.

On that positive note, let me mention what's great about Gainesville...

The University of Florida:
It's GREAT to be a Florida Gator. Period. The campus is gorgeous, and it's just an amazing school overall. And hopefully, I'll match in whatever residency I want, wherever I want, like they all promised. Maybe not if I keep slacking off instead of studying.

The scenery:
I don't function particularly well in the great outdoors, nor do I have much experience in being one with nature, but I can appreciate beautiful nature when I see it. Gainesville is puuuurty. There are nice trees and stuff. Exploring the surrounding areas on a nice sunny afternoon has proven to be wonderful and has helped me appreciate the great Florida Outdoors.

CHEAP RENT:
I can't wait to move into a brand-new luxury condo in August with my current roommate and a new one, paying less than half of what I paid for a one bedroom apartment in DC.

OK, I've wasted a sufficient amount of time to feel motivated to hit the books again.

Roses are red
Violets are pretty
Medical school
Is getting quite shitty

No time for fun
No time for life
Three more years?
Pass me the knife

Study all day
Worry all night
Never feel good
This can't be right

No patient will ask
How you did in that class
So why get an A
When you can just pass?

To be a Neurosurgeon
You must get the grades
But that's not for me
No surgery, no blades.

So all I should do
Is pass and be happy
I'll have much more time
Life won't be so crappy

But I can't just stop caring
I've tried many times
So maybe I should go to bed
And stop these dumb rhymes.

This one's for rob on sprint.

My buddy bob from highschool asked for a blog update.

Happy New Year, everyone.

I've been busy and uninspired. No, that's a lie and a half. I haven't been busy this whole time (but I'm busy now). Also, I've actually been very inspired. Just unmotivated to write.

So Bob's suggestion was to write like Rosie O'Donnell does. At first I thought he wanted me to talk about food or something, which works for me. Then he sent me this:

http://onceadored.blogspot.com/

I don't care to dig deeper and try to figure out if this is for real or not. I got dumber in the 2 minutes I spent looking through the blog.

But I guess I can blog like her for a bit. Maybe it'll be good for me. I feel frustrated with school. Let's see:

taking neuro
theres an exam on thursday
ive been slacking off a lot
my winter break was fun but not long enough
i got to do some real doctor stuff at the end of the semester
working with a doc up in jacksonville

jacksonville is a big ass city
but now im back in gainesville
home of the florida gator
the swamp

back to school and stress and classmates
who are always unhappy
back to facebook as a means of avoiding
the misery that is studying

Okay that's about all I can do. She uses no punctuation, and has no regard for grammar, syntax, etc. It's nauseating. It looks like a long IM window with no one responding on the other end.

That's what always scares me about the internet and/or text messaging. When you're chatting away on Instant Messenger or G-Talk or MSN or whatever, you never take the time to use full sentences, with capitalization and punctuation. The kids who are growing up using the internet... what's going to happen to them?

I wonder how teachers will deal with it all, or if they will even deal with it.

That's about it for me, Bob. Medical school has stolen my soul once again.

NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH

Whenever people ask me "is med school like Gray's Anatomy" I want to throw a shit fit. Med school is NOT like Gray's anatomy. Med school is something like Mean Girls crossed with Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Everyone is stressed and angry, there are cliques, people make fun of each other, we're tossing around chunks of dead body, and we are perpetually terrified. There are no McDreamies or McSteamies, just McDonald's or Wendy's, the only kind of food most of us can afford/have time to eat. The only action most of us have gotten in a while is unintentional, as we searched for the hymenal caruncles (remnants of the hymen) or the suspensory ligament of the penis.

The other reason that question bothers me: Grey's Anatomy is a terrible show. I've watched it twice and that's two times too many.

Yesterday we donned our bright blue, poorly fitted, cardboardesque scrubs for one last time and took our final exam.

About 3 months ago we walked into the lab and saw cadavers on their backs, hands neatly folded in front of them. That was a little weird, a little scary, and maybe even gross for some people.

What's left over? A room full of severed body parts; hemisected skulls, hemisected pelvises, and the occasional cross-section of a penis (at least we know what Lorena Bobbit saw). The legs are detached from some bodies. I can't imagine what we would've felt like if we had walked in the first day and seen that.

The nastiest nasty shit (no pun intended) was when there was doo-doo in some of the butts. Feces in the rectum, if you will. Doo-doo on the books, doo-doo on people's lab coats. Ugh.

As much as I loved anatomy, I'm extremely glad it's over. That class required way to much time spent in that lab, inhaling chemicals and coping with my inability to understand things spatially.

vs.

PIRATES VS. NINJAS

The time consuming, mind decaying invention that is Facebook has brought to me a very pressing question: Is it better to be a pirate or a ninja?

Unecessarily long background on Facebook applications: Pirates versus ninjas is one of thousands of pointless applications that I did NOT add to my page on facebook. I do, however, have Scrabble (Scrabulous), The Office quotes generator, and maybe one or two other cool things. "Buy me a drink" application and "superpoke" or "superwall with grafitti" do look appealing, but I already spend unreasonable amounts of time on facebook. Adding these applications would only end one way: Me failing med school and becoming a Meth addict.

Back to the point: Pirates versus Ninjas is an application where you choose to be a Pirate or a Ninja, I think. I didn't add the application, but it did somehow end up wasting a lot of my time anyway, since it got me thinking a lot.

Thinking about what? Well, thinking about whether it's better to be a pirate or a ninja, of course.

The answer to that question was seemingly simple: a ninja, no doubt! Ninjas are awesome. With stealth and speed, they assassinate their enemies gracefully. They have powerful minds. They wear black, which is slimming. They are nimble and quick (like Jack).

Pirates are brutes. They are loud and rough and vulgar. Clumsy, too, what with all those wooden legs and missing eyes.

Then I got to thinking: which represents ME more.

Anyone who has spent time with me knows that I could be a spokesperson for modern day pirate women. I am loud and vulgar. I'm rambunctiously clumsy and clumsily rambunctious. I eat, drink, and am merry all the time. I call out to my friends "Yo ho," which is one "ho" short of being a cliche pirate song (I think it goes: "yo ho ho and a bottle of rum"). OK, that last one was a stretch. I do, however, curse like a PIRATE, as I've been told repeatedly by family and friends.

BUT, at least I'm really happy all the time, and I know how to have fun.

Let's see. What if I could be both? But wait! Ninjas are quiet. As in, no talking. I *always* have something to say. Furthermore, ninjas are thin and in shape. Pffft. Need I say more? One more thing: Ninjas are great at deceiving people, and being sneaky. I don't lie. Not because I feel bad, but because I suck at lying. It's so much easier to be honest. Brutally honest at times.

So after realizing how pirate-like I am (and how ninja-like I am not), I had to reassess my initial thoughts on which is better. Of course, at this point, I was starting to become pirate-biased.

Ninjas may be extremely skilled warriors, who bring the art of fighting to a whole new level... they may be super cool and nimble and awesome, but they show no emotion. They're cold. They live the life of a ninja, sneaking around and hiding. Hiding their true emotions. Hiding their faces. So sad is the life of a ninja.

Pirates enjoy life and party. They don't take themselves seriously, and they're always on a boat. They have great tans (I think) and lots of booty (not the J-lo kind).

Speaking of J-Lo, HOLY CRAP she's ballooned.

Look at that heifer. Who says pregnancy isn't a disease?

OMG OMG OMG J/K

Moving back to pirates and ninjas, I cannot deny that although I am compelled to pledge allegiance to piratedom, I am still fascinated by the ninjas. I could try to be a ninja, but I think at this point in life it's too late.

The solution: find me a ninja man, who I can make pirate-ninja babes with. How cool would that be?

In all seriousness, though, I tend to like those who are calm, cool, and collected. I feel as though I really need people like that in my life. For a long time now, those who have been my most comforting friends have been this way, with some exceptions.

Don't get me wrong: I love hanging out with other pirates, but it's the ninjas in my life are the ones who bring me balance.

"Flying first class, up in the sky...Champagne, livin' the life"

God, Fergie's dumb. The worst part about it all is that she thinks we're just as dumb as she is, so she spells things out for us. "G-L-A-M.... O-R-O-U-S"

Somehow she's smart enough to have found people who can insert her into some exceedingly catchy songs. "My humps" = pure genius. No? It's a profound social commentary on current gender roles in society and the female's ingenious use of anatomical protuberances to subvert the need to pay for things herself.

"You love my lady lumps."

OK fine. It's not a social commentary. It's a dumb song by a dumb ho. But I love it. It's fun to dance to. And it's hilarious!

Why am I here? I can't study anymore. I found myself reading 2 pages at a time without actually *reading.* Then Pandora radio started playing "Glamorous" and that was the end of my motivation to even THINK about being motivated to study.

Yes, I'm complaining about school again. It's so painful.

On that whiny note: I missed the Office tonight, for the first time all season (besides the very first episode). And for what? To study for the stupid quiz. Oh so sad! Fear not, I am equipped to deal with this situation. DVR. I got a sweet deal with the cable company and it's only costing me 10 bucks a month, split with my Indian Princess roommate. I've watched more television this year than I have since I was in highschool. The Office, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Californication, Entourage, South Park, Big Love. With the exception of Big Love, everything I watch is comedy. I don't like to feel sad or concerned when I watch TV. Good comedy is a good vacation away from this world. I haven't watched the news in ages.

Maybe that makes me in denial, which, as it turns out, isn't only a river in Egypt.

wait for it....

wait for it...

*Badum-bishhhhh*

ANYWAY, I recently watched a couple of episodes of "Weeds," which is also a spectacularly funny show.

Back to the subject of school, since I have nothing better to talk about: in less than 30 days, I'll be in Jacksonville, with NO EXAMS to study for. I'll be shadowing a real doctor for 2 weeks or so. That means I get to actually remember WHY I AM IN MEDICAL SCHOOL. It also means I get to relax and party my ass off with other students who are up there. I'm pretty excited.

Until then, I'll take life one caffeine fix at a time.

Life, insomnia, and the pursuit of happiness

I should be sleeping! We have a quiz on Friday. Damn over-sized energy drinks (I had one with lunch today... not smart).

The first semester of medical school (one half of one fourth of the whole shabang) is almost over. We'll dissect tomorrow then just once more before anatomy is over. I'm somewhere in between relieved and sad.

I've had such an intense love-hate relationship with anatomy. On the one hand, there's the smell, the impossible nature of the tasks handed to us, the volumes of information we must memorize, regurgitate, and understand. On the other hand, there's the unique experience to peek inside a human being (22 human beings, to be exact), to see what makes us tick. All the stuff we've learned is pretty neat. I know what you look like on the inside. Weird, isn't it?

This unit- abdomen and pelvis, is supposed to be the easiest. But morale is low. Everyone's tired of studying, tired of smelling like formaldehyde, and tired of not seeing the light of day. Even though November 14 will mark 3 months of medical school for us, I feel like most people are still adjusting to this life (or lack thereof).

I am still struggling to figure out where I want to be through it all. Do I always want to do my best? I remember reading once that no matter what you're doing, do it as well as you can and you'll be happy.

On the other hand, I have interests and aspirations that lie well outside the realm of medical school, and require that I look beyond this obsession with doing as well as I possibly can.

The old question is: "What do you call the person at the bottom of his (or her) med school class?"

The answer, of course, is "Doctor"

So why be miserable and try to get the A, when I can be having fun and getting lower grades?

I haven't studied hard for the quiz on Friday. I've been getting all the sleep I need, cooking for myself, and keeping up with my television (Heroes and South Park, to be precise). To the outsider, this may seem like nothing. But to a med school student, spending all that time not studying is equated with throwing in the towel. Luckily for me, I'm a fast learner and I'll be fine. But only "fine." I won't be "excellent" or "exemplary." I won't be pushing myself to full potential. Then I'll feel crappy about it.

The conclusion: there is no happiness in medical school. If you push yourself all you get is a grade. If you try to live your life and be happy all you get is remorse.

Maybe I should stop bitching and moaning about this. I knew it would suck before I started.

I'm almost done downing my insomnia remedy (lots of wine) so perhaps I should hit the proverbial hay.

One more day of agony, then the quiz...

...then some more agony before the last exams at the end of November...

...THEN only 3.5 years more of medical school!

Sweeeeeet.

(shoot me)

Urban Dictionary's Take on My Schools

So, I was perusing Urban Dictionary, and the word/phrase of the day a few days back was "Don't Tase Me Bro," paying homage to the event at my wonderful school, where campus police tazed (or is it tazered) a student who was getting a little uppity when asking John Kerry a question. I noticed that the words "University of Florida" were a link, so I clicked, and found this entry for my Gatorrific school:

University of Florida:

A place where diversity is a foreign word, and the girls wouldnt dare wear anything execpt pink, pearls,and a camo hat with their sorority letters on it, and you will stick out like a sore thumb if it doesn't look like you took 9 and 1/2 hrs to get ready.

I thought this was titillating, particularly because "the U" (University of Miami) actually sounds a lot like this. At least that's how I felt all 4 years there. My curiosity led me to search for my alma mater. The first entry was:

University of Miami:

The only place in the world where a hairy Jewish kid will get laid by a supermodel.

This is hilarious, because it's true.

Finally, I figured I'd finish the trifecta and search for good ol' Georgetown. I figured this would have the most negative but hilarious entries. I recoiled in terror to only find good things, including:

The best overall university in the United States--well-adjusted, smart, ambitious, good-looking, socially aware, and involved students come from across the country and the world to attend this great university. No better place for an undergraduate experience.

Um.. WTF? Seriously. Georgetown is a joke. Granted, I didn't go there for undergrad, so my view is skewed. It's in a GREAT area, yes. It's a beautiful school, yes. But come ON. There is so much to make fun of there. Everyone's got more money than they know what to do with, there are popped collars everywhere, and they THINK they are an Ivy League school. Also, despite it being in the middle of one of the most diverse cities in the world, "diversity" is a foreign concept at G-town.

The rest of the entries for UM and UF were mixed: good and bad, lots of funny stuff. There was snobbery in the entries for all 3 schools, but Georgetown was by far the worst.

Something I learned: Apparently, UF students consider UF to be a public Ivy League of the South. Umm... I don't know bout that. It is a great school, though. I am happy to be at UF med school.

On that note, I should get my happy ass to that wonderful med school and get to studying.

Medical school woes

Last week during a break between our exams someone told me that the first year of medical school brings out the worst in people, particularly girls.

Medical school, in all its glory, has made me the most irritable person I've ever been.

I feel like I need the unabridged, fully illustrated version of "How To Deal With Annoying People."

I used to be one of those people who could probably host a 5 day seminar on how to deal with annoying people gracefully. Suddenly, I am one of those people who should be in the front row of that seminar, taking notes feverishly.

I partially attribute it to overexposure. I'm at school 7 days a week, many hours a day, same people every day. It's like high school over again, except way less fun.

I also attribute it to the fact that med schools everywhere are likely to have many individuals exhibiting social pathologies. You've got your judgmental closed minded, opinionated kids. You've got your overachieving, ass-kissing, "I'm only out for myself" kids. Many times, you'll encounter people who exhibit both sets of traits. Then there are people who only study and have no life whatsoever. And the perpetually stressed out individuals... just looking at them bumps up my systolic pressure a good 20 mmHg.

Eventually, you become a product of your environment, don't you? I've caught myself obsessing over grades, torturing myself with guilt for taking a day off from studying. I've found myself wanting the A more than anything in this world. Bleh.

What also sucks is that I often don't know what to talk about besides school. I'm so boring. I've forgotten how to communicate with people who are not in med school.

Another thing: Every once in a while, a fellow classmate will sigh and wonder aloud "Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why are we in med school?" I usually turn around and walk away from this conversation, because falling into self doubt is definitely NOT on my sticky note "To Do" list. But alas, I cannot escape my own mind, and I find myself wondering more and more whether or not this was a good choice.

All that stuff (the overexposure of people, the complete immersion in medical school with no other hobbies, and the self doubt) is possibly the reason why I'm such an angry bitch.

Maybe this is who I was all along and I just had the energy to hide it well before.

Hopefully it's just a phase.

It could be worse than irritability, I suppose. I'm pretty sure school has made many of my classmates depressed, anxious, unhappy, smelly, etc. It's definitely the number one leading cause of breakups. So if all it does to me is make me a mega bitchy woman, then maybe I am blessed.

*******

Luckily, this past weekend was loaded with fun. I wrote all that stuff before the weekend actually started.

Gator Growl on Friday night = Frank Caliendo, Lynrd Skynrd. Very nice. The rest of the weekend was great fun, and I actually cooked and cleaned too. I felt normal again...

...only to wake up on Monday hating myself for being so damn irresponsible.

See? There's no such thing as happiness in medical school.