The Dirty Martini...

This is a tribute to my favorite alcoholic drink, the Delightful Dirty Martini.

The Original Martini is, by nature, a cool drink. "Sour Appletinis" and other ones tailored to people who don't like the taste of alcohol are a travesty, and lose several cool points, especially if a dude is drinking one. Could you imagine James Bond, sitting at a restautant, asking for an "Appletini...shaken not stirred," and being handed an artificially flavored, artifically colored, fluorescent green drink?!?! His manly sex appeal...down the drain.

I will admit, every once in a while I fall victim to the delicious Chocolate Martini. This drink is packed with guilty pleasure, but some places make it so sweet your teeth hurt.

A straight up martini, as mister Bond would order, is a great drink too, only surpassed its wondrful dirty counterpart. The original also comes with an olive or two. A note for all of the olive haters in the world: you can opt for a slice of lemon instead of the usual olive it comes with.

There are many variations on this drink, but the my preferred recipe (variable measurements) is:

1: a lot of Vodka (preferably not something out of a plastic bottle),
2: a splash of vermouth,
3: enough olive juice to make the drink look cloudy like Mexican water (hence the name, "dirty"),
4: Three, yes three, sexy olives, preferably the big ones with pimentos inside.

And that makes one Dirty Martini- Mariana style. Two or three of those puppies and I'm smiling like a fool.

The olive juice and vermouth cut the alcohol taste, and the drink is at its best when made with a sexy vodka such as Belvedere or Grey Goose. Kettle One isn't bad either.

The drink is classy but sassy. It tastes oh-so-good. Not that many people like olives, so I don't have to worry about them taking sips from my fabulous drink. I freaking love it. (Can you tell?)

Here in wonderful Lebanon, I made the mistake of ordering a dirty martini at a restaurant. I specified vodka (not gin) and I asked the waiter if he knew how to make it. "Yes yes, don't worry." Well, I should have worried. The drink was an absolute DISASTER! First of all, it came in a whiskey glass. I normally wouldn't care, as the shape of the glass does not matter to me if the contents are good. But wait, there's more! The drink was something like: a lot of vermouth, some vodka, and a there was a LEMON slice floating around in there. NO OLIVES, NO OLIVE JUICE. Vermouth, is a sweet white wine, and it's downright nasty. I felt like purchasing a bartending guide and beaming it at the head of whoever created the disgusting concoction. Lesson learned. This country is WAY behind on mixed drinks, and the men are too proud to admit that they have no idea what they are doing (typical!) So, to all of you fellow drinkers, if, for some crazy reason, you're ever at a restaurant in Lebanon, stick to beer or whiskey.

Anyway, my inability to get a dirty martini in this country gave me the inspiration to praise the drink in my new blog. I would provide a picture, but, like the mixed drinks, the internet here sucks.

ALL HAIL THE DIRTY MARTINI, WHICH, IN ALL ITS GLORY, BRINGS FIRE TO THE BELLY OF THE BEAST (me), AND ALCOHOL TO ITS BLOOD.