I thought I was coming back into the blog world...

I was wrong.

Life is busy lately, and it's very challenging to keep up with everything. Such is life. Such is medical school...

I just want to write one thing down, a piece of advice I received from a good friend. It's simple, and it's kind of Tony Robbins-esque. It sounds so foolishly simple, and kind of cliche, but it works:

Every morning, wake up, and say to yourself, "Today will be a great day!"

It's easy to do it and even easier to forget to do it.

The idea is, when you think negatively about something ie,"This class is terrible", it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm not cognizant enough right now to explain it well, but I promise, it makes sense.

I'm trying to tell myself "this week will be good" even though it's pre-test week and I've dug myself into a hole so deep that I'm more than halfway to China.

On that note... back to studying!

Beer!

We had a "case race" last night. Sometimes I wonder what parts of my life I'll leave out when I talk to my children.

Yes kids, in her first year of medical school, your mommy participated in a mindless drinking game that inevitably leads to bloating, stupor, and, of course, drunkeness.

But man it was fun!

It's fun to do stupid things and act like a stupid kid again. I wonder when I'll stop (or if I'll stop).

We got second place, because one of our teammates failed to mention that he has severe GI problems until 3 beers into the race. Sigh. What can ya do?

Portuguese word of the day:

janela

It means "window"

And I feel like it's in every single Brazilian song.

I wonder if it's in so many songs because it sounds so pretty, or if it's just a common word to use in songs.

As of right now, "Come to my Window" by Melissa Ethridge is the only song that comes to mind. Meh, not so great.

Speaking of Melissa Ethridge, Relay for Life happened yesterday here in Gainesville, and I couldn't participate because of the stupid ass exams we have tomorrow. (Melissa Ethridge had cancer, Relay for Life = American Cancer Society fund-raiser).

Anyway, that was the Portuguese word of the day. Good night, or shall I say Boa Noite.

Two things that have improved my academic life greatly (and that I really appreciate today):

1) Pandora radio. I've been using it for more than a year now. It cures musical boredom, and is great for studying (except for the occasional song that provides something confusing or interesting and thus sends me into curious google mode).

2) Facebook removal therapy. I gave my roommate my facebook password, and had her change it. She is not allowed to give me the new password until AFTER our two exams on Monday. This has increased productivity to at least 200%.

How sad is it that I had to go to such drastic measures in order to not waste endless hours playing Scrabulous and Attack and reconnecting with old friends and looking at people's profiles for no good reason?

Blogging used to be one of the distraction-devices I used when I was stressed out, but I really lost all inspiration when someone accused me of talking about medical school too much.

I don't want medical school to define me, but since it takes up about 95% of my time while awake (and is the subject of 40-60% of my dreams, depending on how stressed I am that week), I really have nothing else to talk about most of the time. Also, no time to talk about it, even if I did have something to talk about.

But here I am, talking (writing, whatever).

Whenever I hang out with non-med school friends (ie when I go back home), I find myself to be possibly the most boring person ever.

Hopefully, I can do something amazing this summer and have something to talk about for a while. Hey everyone, listen to me, I'm interesting again! Woo-hoo!

What exacerbates the whole situation is the fact that I live in Gainesville. Although I am starting to grow fond of this little city, it really doesn't provide much excitement.

Allow me to elaborate...

(((Before I do, I must point out that I completely recognize that using blogging as an excuse not to study now that Facebook's gone. It's like, blogging is Nicorette and Facebook was the pack of cigarettes. Or something like that. Hey at least writing is cathartic. Facebook is just an abysmal waste of time.)))

Anyway... as I was saying, Gainseville is not so hot.

The city demographics:
Almost 100,000 undergraduates, all drunk and living the American college experience.
A couple thousand Grad students, all drunk and suffering the American Grad school experience
Old people

That's it. Really.

The night life:
Oh, what's that? An entire 1.5 mile stretch on an avenue, littered with bars, clubs, and tiny restaurants to eat at when you're drunk at 2 am? WOW! Yes, the bars in Gainesville can be fun occasionally, but they're all in the same place. Yeah, that 1.5 mile stretch on an avenue. Namely, University Avenue. The part of it that's North of campus is called "midtown" and then east of that it's called "downtown" and that's pretty much all there is to it. The clubs play bad music and the ones that are semi-decent try to make you wait outside as though it were South Beach and Paris Hilton was stripping inside. Drinks are cheap, though.

Let me interject my overwhelming whining and negativity with an important note: I have had a LOT of fun going out in Gainesville. But that's just because I know how to have fun, and I know fun people. And alcohol helps.

Back to the negativity: Everything closes at 2 am. This is stupid, because it only means people will be more drunk when they drive home. Furthermore, taxis are a JOKE, and so is public transportation. Basically, driving on a Friday or Saturday night is a death wish, because there are stupid drunk kids driving around because the damn clubs closed at 2 and no one even thinks taxis exist in this city.

Ok, that's it for night life.

Other:
The restaurants here SUCK. I'm spoiled; DC had so many great places to eat, with so many cultural options... Ethiopian, Thai, Middle Eastern, Turkish, Indian, Latin, etc etc etc... Gainesville is littered with chain restaurant after chain restaurant. Chili's, Fridays, Applebees... I guess this has been good for my health , my cooking skills, and my wallet, but I sure do miss the delight of eating strange food.

Anything at a Salon is 4x more expensive and 10x lower quality than Miami. Yes, I know, I shouldn't keep comparing Gainesville to Miami and DC. But I will. I would sooner have my 3 year old cousin cut my hair than risk getting it done at a Salon here. Ok, I'm exaggerating. But that's what stressed out women do. We exaggerate.

Oh, wait, the one *great* thing to eat here is some good ol' BBQ. There are BBQ pits everywhere, and they're all cost effective, tummy gratifying, and artery clogging, as they should be.

On that positive note, let me mention what's great about Gainesville...

The University of Florida:
It's GREAT to be a Florida Gator. Period. The campus is gorgeous, and it's just an amazing school overall. And hopefully, I'll match in whatever residency I want, wherever I want, like they all promised. Maybe not if I keep slacking off instead of studying.

The scenery:
I don't function particularly well in the great outdoors, nor do I have much experience in being one with nature, but I can appreciate beautiful nature when I see it. Gainesville is puuuurty. There are nice trees and stuff. Exploring the surrounding areas on a nice sunny afternoon has proven to be wonderful and has helped me appreciate the great Florida Outdoors.

CHEAP RENT:
I can't wait to move into a brand-new luxury condo in August with my current roommate and a new one, paying less than half of what I paid for a one bedroom apartment in DC.

OK, I've wasted a sufficient amount of time to feel motivated to hit the books again.

Roses are red
Violets are pretty
Medical school
Is getting quite shitty

No time for fun
No time for life
Three more years?
Pass me the knife

Study all day
Worry all night
Never feel good
This can't be right

No patient will ask
How you did in that class
So why get an A
When you can just pass?

To be a Neurosurgeon
You must get the grades
But that's not for me
No surgery, no blades.

So all I should do
Is pass and be happy
I'll have much more time
Life won't be so crappy

But I can't just stop caring
I've tried many times
So maybe I should go to bed
And stop these dumb rhymes.

This one's for rob on sprint.

My buddy bob from highschool asked for a blog update.

Happy New Year, everyone.

I've been busy and uninspired. No, that's a lie and a half. I haven't been busy this whole time (but I'm busy now). Also, I've actually been very inspired. Just unmotivated to write.

So Bob's suggestion was to write like Rosie O'Donnell does. At first I thought he wanted me to talk about food or something, which works for me. Then he sent me this:

http://onceadored.blogspot.com/

I don't care to dig deeper and try to figure out if this is for real or not. I got dumber in the 2 minutes I spent looking through the blog.

But I guess I can blog like her for a bit. Maybe it'll be good for me. I feel frustrated with school. Let's see:

taking neuro
theres an exam on thursday
ive been slacking off a lot
my winter break was fun but not long enough
i got to do some real doctor stuff at the end of the semester
working with a doc up in jacksonville

jacksonville is a big ass city
but now im back in gainesville
home of the florida gator
the swamp

back to school and stress and classmates
who are always unhappy
back to facebook as a means of avoiding
the misery that is studying

Okay that's about all I can do. She uses no punctuation, and has no regard for grammar, syntax, etc. It's nauseating. It looks like a long IM window with no one responding on the other end.

That's what always scares me about the internet and/or text messaging. When you're chatting away on Instant Messenger or G-Talk or MSN or whatever, you never take the time to use full sentences, with capitalization and punctuation. The kids who are growing up using the internet... what's going to happen to them?

I wonder how teachers will deal with it all, or if they will even deal with it.

That's about it for me, Bob. Medical school has stolen my soul once again.

NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH

Whenever people ask me "is med school like Gray's Anatomy" I want to throw a shit fit. Med school is NOT like Gray's anatomy. Med school is something like Mean Girls crossed with Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Everyone is stressed and angry, there are cliques, people make fun of each other, we're tossing around chunks of dead body, and we are perpetually terrified. There are no McDreamies or McSteamies, just McDonald's or Wendy's, the only kind of food most of us can afford/have time to eat. The only action most of us have gotten in a while is unintentional, as we searched for the hymenal caruncles (remnants of the hymen) or the suspensory ligament of the penis.

The other reason that question bothers me: Grey's Anatomy is a terrible show. I've watched it twice and that's two times too many.

Yesterday we donned our bright blue, poorly fitted, cardboardesque scrubs for one last time and took our final exam.

About 3 months ago we walked into the lab and saw cadavers on their backs, hands neatly folded in front of them. That was a little weird, a little scary, and maybe even gross for some people.

What's left over? A room full of severed body parts; hemisected skulls, hemisected pelvises, and the occasional cross-section of a penis (at least we know what Lorena Bobbit saw). The legs are detached from some bodies. I can't imagine what we would've felt like if we had walked in the first day and seen that.

The nastiest nasty shit (no pun intended) was when there was doo-doo in some of the butts. Feces in the rectum, if you will. Doo-doo on the books, doo-doo on people's lab coats. Ugh.

As much as I loved anatomy, I'm extremely glad it's over. That class required way to much time spent in that lab, inhaling chemicals and coping with my inability to understand things spatially.

vs.

PIRATES VS. NINJAS

The time consuming, mind decaying invention that is Facebook has brought to me a very pressing question: Is it better to be a pirate or a ninja?

Unecessarily long background on Facebook applications: Pirates versus ninjas is one of thousands of pointless applications that I did NOT add to my page on facebook. I do, however, have Scrabble (Scrabulous), The Office quotes generator, and maybe one or two other cool things. "Buy me a drink" application and "superpoke" or "superwall with grafitti" do look appealing, but I already spend unreasonable amounts of time on facebook. Adding these applications would only end one way: Me failing med school and becoming a Meth addict.

Back to the point: Pirates versus Ninjas is an application where you choose to be a Pirate or a Ninja, I think. I didn't add the application, but it did somehow end up wasting a lot of my time anyway, since it got me thinking a lot.

Thinking about what? Well, thinking about whether it's better to be a pirate or a ninja, of course.

The answer to that question was seemingly simple: a ninja, no doubt! Ninjas are awesome. With stealth and speed, they assassinate their enemies gracefully. They have powerful minds. They wear black, which is slimming. They are nimble and quick (like Jack).

Pirates are brutes. They are loud and rough and vulgar. Clumsy, too, what with all those wooden legs and missing eyes.

Then I got to thinking: which represents ME more.

Anyone who has spent time with me knows that I could be a spokesperson for modern day pirate women. I am loud and vulgar. I'm rambunctiously clumsy and clumsily rambunctious. I eat, drink, and am merry all the time. I call out to my friends "Yo ho," which is one "ho" short of being a cliche pirate song (I think it goes: "yo ho ho and a bottle of rum"). OK, that last one was a stretch. I do, however, curse like a PIRATE, as I've been told repeatedly by family and friends.

BUT, at least I'm really happy all the time, and I know how to have fun.

Let's see. What if I could be both? But wait! Ninjas are quiet. As in, no talking. I *always* have something to say. Furthermore, ninjas are thin and in shape. Pffft. Need I say more? One more thing: Ninjas are great at deceiving people, and being sneaky. I don't lie. Not because I feel bad, but because I suck at lying. It's so much easier to be honest. Brutally honest at times.

So after realizing how pirate-like I am (and how ninja-like I am not), I had to reassess my initial thoughts on which is better. Of course, at this point, I was starting to become pirate-biased.

Ninjas may be extremely skilled warriors, who bring the art of fighting to a whole new level... they may be super cool and nimble and awesome, but they show no emotion. They're cold. They live the life of a ninja, sneaking around and hiding. Hiding their true emotions. Hiding their faces. So sad is the life of a ninja.

Pirates enjoy life and party. They don't take themselves seriously, and they're always on a boat. They have great tans (I think) and lots of booty (not the J-lo kind).

Speaking of J-Lo, HOLY CRAP she's ballooned.

Look at that heifer. Who says pregnancy isn't a disease?

OMG OMG OMG J/K

Moving back to pirates and ninjas, I cannot deny that although I am compelled to pledge allegiance to piratedom, I am still fascinated by the ninjas. I could try to be a ninja, but I think at this point in life it's too late.

The solution: find me a ninja man, who I can make pirate-ninja babes with. How cool would that be?

In all seriousness, though, I tend to like those who are calm, cool, and collected. I feel as though I really need people like that in my life. For a long time now, those who have been my most comforting friends have been this way, with some exceptions.

Don't get me wrong: I love hanging out with other pirates, but it's the ninjas in my life are the ones who bring me balance.

"Flying first class, up in the sky...Champagne, livin' the life"

God, Fergie's dumb. The worst part about it all is that she thinks we're just as dumb as she is, so she spells things out for us. "G-L-A-M.... O-R-O-U-S"

Somehow she's smart enough to have found people who can insert her into some exceedingly catchy songs. "My humps" = pure genius. No? It's a profound social commentary on current gender roles in society and the female's ingenious use of anatomical protuberances to subvert the need to pay for things herself.

"You love my lady lumps."

OK fine. It's not a social commentary. It's a dumb song by a dumb ho. But I love it. It's fun to dance to. And it's hilarious!

Why am I here? I can't study anymore. I found myself reading 2 pages at a time without actually *reading.* Then Pandora radio started playing "Glamorous" and that was the end of my motivation to even THINK about being motivated to study.

Yes, I'm complaining about school again. It's so painful.

On that whiny note: I missed the Office tonight, for the first time all season (besides the very first episode). And for what? To study for the stupid quiz. Oh so sad! Fear not, I am equipped to deal with this situation. DVR. I got a sweet deal with the cable company and it's only costing me 10 bucks a month, split with my Indian Princess roommate. I've watched more television this year than I have since I was in highschool. The Office, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Californication, Entourage, South Park, Big Love. With the exception of Big Love, everything I watch is comedy. I don't like to feel sad or concerned when I watch TV. Good comedy is a good vacation away from this world. I haven't watched the news in ages.

Maybe that makes me in denial, which, as it turns out, isn't only a river in Egypt.

wait for it....

wait for it...

*Badum-bishhhhh*

ANYWAY, I recently watched a couple of episodes of "Weeds," which is also a spectacularly funny show.

Back to the subject of school, since I have nothing better to talk about: in less than 30 days, I'll be in Jacksonville, with NO EXAMS to study for. I'll be shadowing a real doctor for 2 weeks or so. That means I get to actually remember WHY I AM IN MEDICAL SCHOOL. It also means I get to relax and party my ass off with other students who are up there. I'm pretty excited.

Until then, I'll take life one caffeine fix at a time.

Life, insomnia, and the pursuit of happiness

I should be sleeping! We have a quiz on Friday. Damn over-sized energy drinks (I had one with lunch today... not smart).

The first semester of medical school (one half of one fourth of the whole shabang) is almost over. We'll dissect tomorrow then just once more before anatomy is over. I'm somewhere in between relieved and sad.

I've had such an intense love-hate relationship with anatomy. On the one hand, there's the smell, the impossible nature of the tasks handed to us, the volumes of information we must memorize, regurgitate, and understand. On the other hand, there's the unique experience to peek inside a human being (22 human beings, to be exact), to see what makes us tick. All the stuff we've learned is pretty neat. I know what you look like on the inside. Weird, isn't it?

This unit- abdomen and pelvis, is supposed to be the easiest. But morale is low. Everyone's tired of studying, tired of smelling like formaldehyde, and tired of not seeing the light of day. Even though November 14 will mark 3 months of medical school for us, I feel like most people are still adjusting to this life (or lack thereof).

I am still struggling to figure out where I want to be through it all. Do I always want to do my best? I remember reading once that no matter what you're doing, do it as well as you can and you'll be happy.

On the other hand, I have interests and aspirations that lie well outside the realm of medical school, and require that I look beyond this obsession with doing as well as I possibly can.

The old question is: "What do you call the person at the bottom of his (or her) med school class?"

The answer, of course, is "Doctor"

So why be miserable and try to get the A, when I can be having fun and getting lower grades?

I haven't studied hard for the quiz on Friday. I've been getting all the sleep I need, cooking for myself, and keeping up with my television (Heroes and South Park, to be precise). To the outsider, this may seem like nothing. But to a med school student, spending all that time not studying is equated with throwing in the towel. Luckily for me, I'm a fast learner and I'll be fine. But only "fine." I won't be "excellent" or "exemplary." I won't be pushing myself to full potential. Then I'll feel crappy about it.

The conclusion: there is no happiness in medical school. If you push yourself all you get is a grade. If you try to live your life and be happy all you get is remorse.

Maybe I should stop bitching and moaning about this. I knew it would suck before I started.

I'm almost done downing my insomnia remedy (lots of wine) so perhaps I should hit the proverbial hay.

One more day of agony, then the quiz...

...then some more agony before the last exams at the end of November...

...THEN only 3.5 years more of medical school!

Sweeeeeet.

(shoot me)

Urban Dictionary's Take on My Schools

So, I was perusing Urban Dictionary, and the word/phrase of the day a few days back was "Don't Tase Me Bro," paying homage to the event at my wonderful school, where campus police tazed (or is it tazered) a student who was getting a little uppity when asking John Kerry a question. I noticed that the words "University of Florida" were a link, so I clicked, and found this entry for my Gatorrific school:

University of Florida:

A place where diversity is a foreign word, and the girls wouldnt dare wear anything execpt pink, pearls,and a camo hat with their sorority letters on it, and you will stick out like a sore thumb if it doesn't look like you took 9 and 1/2 hrs to get ready.

I thought this was titillating, particularly because "the U" (University of Miami) actually sounds a lot like this. At least that's how I felt all 4 years there. My curiosity led me to search for my alma mater. The first entry was:

University of Miami:

The only place in the world where a hairy Jewish kid will get laid by a supermodel.

This is hilarious, because it's true.

Finally, I figured I'd finish the trifecta and search for good ol' Georgetown. I figured this would have the most negative but hilarious entries. I recoiled in terror to only find good things, including:

The best overall university in the United States--well-adjusted, smart, ambitious, good-looking, socially aware, and involved students come from across the country and the world to attend this great university. No better place for an undergraduate experience.

Um.. WTF? Seriously. Georgetown is a joke. Granted, I didn't go there for undergrad, so my view is skewed. It's in a GREAT area, yes. It's a beautiful school, yes. But come ON. There is so much to make fun of there. Everyone's got more money than they know what to do with, there are popped collars everywhere, and they THINK they are an Ivy League school. Also, despite it being in the middle of one of the most diverse cities in the world, "diversity" is a foreign concept at G-town.

The rest of the entries for UM and UF were mixed: good and bad, lots of funny stuff. There was snobbery in the entries for all 3 schools, but Georgetown was by far the worst.

Something I learned: Apparently, UF students consider UF to be a public Ivy League of the South. Umm... I don't know bout that. It is a great school, though. I am happy to be at UF med school.

On that note, I should get my happy ass to that wonderful med school and get to studying.

Medical school woes

Last week during a break between our exams someone told me that the first year of medical school brings out the worst in people, particularly girls.

Medical school, in all its glory, has made me the most irritable person I've ever been.

I feel like I need the unabridged, fully illustrated version of "How To Deal With Annoying People."

I used to be one of those people who could probably host a 5 day seminar on how to deal with annoying people gracefully. Suddenly, I am one of those people who should be in the front row of that seminar, taking notes feverishly.

I partially attribute it to overexposure. I'm at school 7 days a week, many hours a day, same people every day. It's like high school over again, except way less fun.

I also attribute it to the fact that med schools everywhere are likely to have many individuals exhibiting social pathologies. You've got your judgmental closed minded, opinionated kids. You've got your overachieving, ass-kissing, "I'm only out for myself" kids. Many times, you'll encounter people who exhibit both sets of traits. Then there are people who only study and have no life whatsoever. And the perpetually stressed out individuals... just looking at them bumps up my systolic pressure a good 20 mmHg.

Eventually, you become a product of your environment, don't you? I've caught myself obsessing over grades, torturing myself with guilt for taking a day off from studying. I've found myself wanting the A more than anything in this world. Bleh.

What also sucks is that I often don't know what to talk about besides school. I'm so boring. I've forgotten how to communicate with people who are not in med school.

Another thing: Every once in a while, a fellow classmate will sigh and wonder aloud "Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why are we in med school?" I usually turn around and walk away from this conversation, because falling into self doubt is definitely NOT on my sticky note "To Do" list. But alas, I cannot escape my own mind, and I find myself wondering more and more whether or not this was a good choice.

All that stuff (the overexposure of people, the complete immersion in medical school with no other hobbies, and the self doubt) is possibly the reason why I'm such an angry bitch.

Maybe this is who I was all along and I just had the energy to hide it well before.

Hopefully it's just a phase.

It could be worse than irritability, I suppose. I'm pretty sure school has made many of my classmates depressed, anxious, unhappy, smelly, etc. It's definitely the number one leading cause of breakups. So if all it does to me is make me a mega bitchy woman, then maybe I am blessed.

*******

Luckily, this past weekend was loaded with fun. I wrote all that stuff before the weekend actually started.

Gator Growl on Friday night = Frank Caliendo, Lynrd Skynrd. Very nice. The rest of the weekend was great fun, and I actually cooked and cleaned too. I felt normal again...

...only to wake up on Monday hating myself for being so damn irresponsible.

See? There's no such thing as happiness in medical school.

So I'm in Miami for the second time this month. I have an exam on Friday, and I really shouldn't have come down. But I did, because my friends got married this weekend.

The drive down was pretty long but very peaceful (minus almost dying while driving through a brief hurricane), as I had 5 hours to myself. I tried to convince myself to stop caring about school as much. I fooled myself into thinking that I would be okay with just passing. I don't need to get exceptional grades, because I don't want to be a dermatologist or plastic surgeon. Chances are I'll go into family medicine (not competitive at all). So why not enjoy life? Why be miserable in med school?

This morning I woke up hating myself for not studying more. I guess I have a lot more convincing of myself to do.

The other endless amount of self reflection time bestowed upon me this weekend happened before and during the wedding. A whole boatload of stuff to think about:

-Marriage
-The horror that is planning a wedding
-Proper attire for weddings
-The Spanglishness of the mass
-Whether or not there would be an open bar later
-Religion (because it was, of course, in a Catholic church)

I was there extra early, because I was the best man's date. I didn't know anyone else besides the groom's family, and so, naturally, I sat alone. Alone and lonely. In a church. As I looked around, I saw how wound up and stressed out everyone was. The wedding coordinator people were the worst. I couldn't bear to look as they barked out orders at anyone who was involved in the wedding.

It got me thinking about how I do NOT want a big wedding. I don't even want a conventional one. Big white dress? No thanks. Subjecting my best friends in the world to don some pastel-colored chiffon or satin dress that they'll never wear again? Um, no. Trying to figure out who to invite and who not to... oh dear God. Finding a venue, finding a pastor, picking the food, choosing the flowers, ugh. It's all so... horrible.

My ideal wedding will be a huge ass party with all the people I love. It will be outdoors and there will be barbecue and an amazing bartender and DJ. My dress will be something classy but sassy, no poofiness, no extra miles of fabric that will drag behind me endlessly. Then, with all the money I didn't spend on a big poofy dress and souvenirs, I will go on a honeymoon every year for the first 5 of marriage.

Don't get me wrong, the big white dress, the beautiful decorations, it's all nice. It makes me feel like a girl. But I don't want it.

After I decided that I would never have a traditional wedding, the organ played and there came the bride, all dressed in white. I got a little misty eyed (I'm a loser) and remembered meeting this girl when my friend first started dating her. They are a very cute couple. *sigh*

Then, they started exchanging vows and all that jazz. Then I realized that I probably would prefer to never get married. All that pressure. Is it really necessary to make it official? I love you, you love me, let's start a family and live together. Screw the bells and whistles. Also, I know my dad will cry like a baby. That makes me never want to get married.

During the rest of the mass, I couldn't help but think about all these things, while simultaneously noticing the revealing clothing of most of the girls there. My mother gave me a shawl to cover up with before I left the house. Most girls there were tramping around like it was Club Church, and, quite frankly, I didn't think it was a big deal. But what was Jesus thinking? I'd like to know.

As mass droned on and on, I started to feel semi-guilty for being in my own la-la land and not paying attention. But I don't know how many people actually DO pay attention during mass. Even when I was the holiest of holy kids, singing songs of praise and proudly responding to every prompt given by the priest, my mind used to wander. I can't imagine how adults could do it, or IF they do it.

Mass should have less ritual, less words, and more meaningful exercises. Moments of reflection to give thanks for all Jesus did... that's great. But praise be the Lord 15 times gets a little old, and I don't think people mean it every time they say it. Not because they don't believe it, but because they go into automatic pilot mode, while they think about whatever they are thinking about that probably has absolutely nothing to do with the Father, the Son, or the Hoy Spirit.

I also noticed how ornate the church was. This is more common in Catholic churches than other denominations of Christianity. I wonder how much it cost to build the church, how much maintenance is, etc. I realize the money is going to a "good cause," but there are better causes, and shouldn't a place of worship be humble and simple anyway?

I decided that if I had a religion, mass would be outdoors. It wouldn't be mass. It would be like, hey, let's get together and meditate, and feel grateful for what we have. Let's pray for those in need. Let's work toward the betterment of mankind, and let's start with ourselves. Let's plant a tree.

Yeah. And there would be music, too. And yoga.

Hmmm... the Church of Marianatology. Or Marianaism, Or Marianity.

Anyway, soon enough the mass was over, after about 7 different weird rituals, like a noose-rosary (ironic, no?) around both their necks and the lighting of a candle. The reception was awesome, and yes, there WAS an open bar. Vodka + dancing the night away helped me forget that I'll probably never get married, and that I'll probably fail Friday's test.

Today in lab, I sawed a man's face in half. Right through the middle of his forehead, in between his eyes, splitting his nose in half... down to the jaw bone.

It was brutal, and most people felt pretty weird about it. I'm shocked that I am so desensitized.

School is sucking a little lately. Oh well.

What will they think of next?

So I log onto MySpace for no good reason at all, and I find that people who I haven't spoken to in a while have posted comments on my page with links/pictures/videos. I assumed one of them was just a funny you tube video or something, so I click, and what happens? I get redirected to the MySpace log in page. Just as I was about to re-enter my username and password, Firefox popped up with a message, as seen below:


It's kind of tough to make out what the message balloon says. "Suspected forgery" and some long explanation that this site is wack and trying to steal my info.

It's really tough to feel safe on the internet these days. We had an entire one hour lecture during the beginning of orientation about "internet safety" and how our passwords should be insanely complex like, "h4y7U909!$k009" and how we should NEVER store passwords on the computer, bla bla bla.

Damn Phishing scams.

I tested it out on Internet Explorer and it also gave a warning about forgery.

Maybe blogging is just a huge scam used to steal people's opinions, rants, and bad writing. OMG. Maybe scientologists are behind it.

I don't know why I said that. Apparently a lecture was given on campus by the Psychiatry interest group about how Scientologists think they have the right to hurt psychiatrists for some reason. Religion is ridiculous. Why should we live our lives according to what someone else/an institution deems as correct. Bah. Ridiculous.

What if I wanted to be a psychiatrist? I don't want some placenta-eating, multi-alien composed guy coming at me with a chainsaw. Sheesh. Oh. Woah there. Totally politically incorrect of me.

Since Scientologists are running this blogging phishing scam, I'd like all of Scientology to know something important: I do not want to be a Pyschiatrist. I'm going to be an Obstetrician, and I will provide you with more placenta than you can sink your teeth into. Please do not steal my identity, or my thoughts on life as a med school student. KTHXBYE!

See that diagram? It's a cross section of the thorax. I *loathe* cross sections.

So, tomorrow there's a quiz. I studied every day last week in anticipation of this quiz. I put in the hours, made the sacrifices. It was grand. I felt so on top of my shit. Part of my motivation: I wanted to go to Miami for the weekend. So I did. It was an amazing break, much needed, well deserved. I studied a bit while there, but not nearly enough. I got back to the swampland, donned my neatly folded (thanks mom) scrubs, and boldly walked into the anatomy lab. Ten minutes later I bolted out of there, with an overwhelming fear that I had bitten off more than I could chew. Or is it bit off? No time for grammar! I should be studying or sleeping. But first, I must throw a small blog pity party about how much more I should have studied this weekend.

I sacrificed study time for fun time, and I'm kind of tempted to say it was well worth it. I mean, I can't let med school be EVERYTHING. As the med schoolers say, P=MD. What that means is PASS = MD, as in, all you need to do is pass to become a doctor.

If you happen to want to be, oh, let's say, a plastic surgeon, then this law doesn't apply. But I most definitely don't want to be a plastic surgeon, or a dermatologist, or an orthopedic surgeon, so I don't have to worry too much.

But I still have my pride! And, who knows? I might change my mind 8 million times and end up choosing a mega-competitive specialty. My crappy GPA will cause me to be rejected or force me to live somewhere awful... and why? Not because I couldn't do it, but because I chose to go to Miami and hang out at the beach and see my friends and eat delicious food and...

Oh f*** it. It was totally worth it!

Things have been going unusually well lately. I am happy to say, I got a new car, I got a FREE ticket to the Florida vs Auburn game, I've been on top of my schoolwork (kind of), and, finally:

THE OFFICE IS BACK!

Yes...

The first episode aired yesterday. It was one hour long. It was funny but not as amazing as I'd hoped. My favorite line (by none other than Michael Scott):

"I'm not superstitious... I'm only slightly stitious." (paraphrased)

HA!

My new car is pretty nice. It's a 2008 dark blue Pontiac G6. Thank goodness for a father who is kind enough to wire me money and arrange it all. Yay Dad!

It felt pretty weird to have my dad do all that for me. I'm usually more independent, but school is insanely time consuming and I asked my dad to iron out the details for me. Again, yay Dad!

I'm freaking independent. FINALLY. Relying on people for rides sucks. Not having a car in Gainesville sucks sucks sucks. But now, that's allll over.

The other awesomeness: I'm going to the motherlovin' game! This game is the second to last home game. I missed Tennessee because of the stupid exam. I can't wait to tailgate. The game's at eight.

Something else that's pretty cool... I went to power yoga twice this week. I used to take yoga for credit in undergrad (how sweet is that?) and I've been in love with it ever since. Unfortunately,
power yoga is like yoga on crack. Fortunately, it's a great workout and it leaves you feeling wonderful.

What's not so awesome is the fact that I've completely succumbed to the fact that I will spend a lot of time studying. Somewhere along the way, I lost my "I will not let school interfere with my social life" attitude. I have always done above average, while never really setting high standards for myself. Suddenly, I find myself unable to settle for anything less than outstanding. Twice this week I could've gone out and partied, and both times I found myself wanting to stay in and study. Not forcing myself to stay in, but *wanting* it. This is so strange. Could I possibly be growing up???

NEVER!

At any rate, I hope it persists and that it pays off, because I'd better not be both lame and mediocre!

Tonight, I will not be lame. I am going out. I want to celebrate the end of the week. On that note, I should go study for a couple of hours.

See? WTF?!

Exam, partying, and Gainesville rant

We took our first exam on Friday. Our Anatomy professor calls exams "exercises" and he says that we have to keep swimming, and each exam is like a buoy.

It's really an annoying metaphor, because it is a feeble attempt to make the whole ordeal seem like a fun game. It should be something like: You are in a torture chamber, and the exam is like when your torturer comes in to check on how miserable you are and inflict an extra amount of pain/suffering.

As usual, I exaggerate.

But 3 computer exams and a 2.5 hour practical with both cadavers and microscopes is really really tiring. Not to mention the fact that everything was tough, minus one exam, Radiology. That professor's got an amazing sense of humor, and the class is pass/fail. This is the recipe for a ridiculously easy exam.

I didn't suffer too much throughout the whole experience, though. It's just a test. I did well enough to pass it all, and even if I hadn't, we've got 2 more "exercises" then shelf exams, which are some sort of standardized exams to assess our learnin'.

The absolute BEST part about taking an exam, however, is the unanimous desire to go have a ridiculously awesome time afterward. That we did. We threw a house party, and more than half of our classmates showed up. It was a grand old time. I woke up on Saturday morning feeling less than ideal, but I got online and had my good friend Papa John make me a pineapple and ham pizza and have it delivered. Best hangover cure EVER.

The weird thing about the first couple of days after an exam is the readjustment to being normal again. I got used to spending 80-90% of each day studying or in the lab. It's so strange to wake up and have the option to sit around and watch TV all day (which is PRECISELY what I did yesterday).

Last night we went to the mediocrity that is downtown Gainesville. The assholes at the bar charged an extra 4 drinks on my tab. It is Gainesville, so those drinks only cost about 3-4 bucks each, but that is still bull-crap! I argued with them and they treated me as though I was some crazy drunk bitch. I was not really drunk, but I was definitely being a bitch after 5 minutes of their crap. Screw them for overcharging me. They erased the charges, but it was like pulling teeth and their customer service was pathetic. I suppose dumbass drunk Gainesville kids try to pull this all the time, perhaps because they were so drunk that they forgot that they had ordered all those drinks. This was most certainly not the case for me.

Ok that's enough ranting. I'm trying to love this town but it's getting harder. Whatever, it's only the second month of many, and I am sure there are some better bars around here. Sigh.

Why couldn't UF be in Miami?! Oh, I know why, I'd NEVER study.

Fickle Girrrl

Guys say "Girls are so fickle."

While I cannot speak on behalf of my entire gender, I can most certainly admit that I'm as fickle as a pickle.

A pickle that once was a cucumber, to be chopped up and used as an ingredient in a freshly tossed Mediterranean salad, but decided to jump into a vat of brine instead, only to later realize that it wants to be a cucumber again.

For the most part, being fickle has not been a totally terrible thing. I've gained exposure to a handful of possible career paths, tried lots of beer, learned about lots of different belief systems, etc. The value of this for me: a broader perspective, a greater understanding. The only time it really bugs me is when it is at the expense of another person.

My official apology: I am really truly very sorry for being so fickle.

This weekend presented with one decision was extremely tough to make: Go out and party on Friday night and/or go to the UF vs Tennessee game today, or stay in and study, study, study instead. I am pretty shocked that I chose the latter.

In the words of a once great punk band: "Well I guess this is growing up."

Uh, don't get me wrong, I definitely will watch the game. But no tailgating. OH MY GOD IT BURNS. Must.... drink... beer.

Being responsible sucks ass. Getting bad grades sucks significantly more ass, though.

Chronicles of the Spazziest (sp?) Med Student of Them All

Two things:

1: Yesterday in class, I opened up my laptop so I could take notes on the wonderful world of diagnostic imaging. I generally hit "Hibernate" instead of "Shut Down" so that I can open up the computer and have everything I was doing before still there. Little did I know, Firefox was open with Pandora radio up and running. It takes a while for the laptop to show me Windows and let me move around and do stuff. It does not, however, take more than one second for the music to come on FULL BLAST in the middle of the lecture. The song that was playing? Christina Aguilera, Dirty. She's just YELLING in the song. It is definitely on the list of the top ten songs you wouldn't want to be playing full blast in the middle of lecture. I scrambled to shut the sound off, but the volume controls were completely unresponsive. I held down the off button for a very long time before it shut down. Everyone had a grand old time laughing it up. Luckily the professor thought everyone was laughing at some joke he had put up on the powerpoint presentation.

2: Yesterday in lab, while returning from the tissue disposal bin, where I was dumping out the 6th container-full of thigh fat, I noticed a breeze. My pants fell down.

Yeah, no lie. At my ankles.

Luckily, my lab coat is really long, and I was covered down to my knee.

Still hilarious, tho. Again, laughter ensued and everyone else in the room was wondering what could possibly be so damn funny about shoveling fat out of a cadaver's thigh in a desperate attempt to clean out the femoral nerve. (Worst lab EVER, by the way).

Neither of these can top the time I yelled "I HATE YOU" while walking into a lecture hall last year. That was a classic.

The morals of the stories:
1: Pandora radio is not all it's chopped up to be if it actually thinks I'd like that awful song.
2: They need to make better fitting scrubs. How 'bout an elastic band? Would that kill them?