<---The Washington Monument (one location where slacking took place); camera has "night" setting, which, more often than not, makes pics come out blurry = (


EXAM TODAY... Surprise suprise, I have an exam today. Did I study? Of course I did. Am I freaking out a little? Of course I am. I had a long weekend to study...Friday off, Monday off. But do you think I studied? NO! I don't care, it was an awesome weekend. The very special mister Aldo came to visit. We did touristy stuff, we went to a bar/club, we wined and dined. It was like a mini-vacation for me.
And I'll pay for it today. I know my shit. I think. Who cares, it'll be over soon enough...................... Moving on, I leave you with a quote I read in an away message: "Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug." Deep. I like.

Things
are
piling
up
.
I
have
a
lot
of
stuff
to
do!

And.... I have a stupid cold!

Hello world.

It's 9 am. Daddy's gonna drop my happy ass off at school and then they're gone. It's been fun, and I'm gonna miss them!

Unfortunately, I have a nasty cold, with complimentary sinus pressure and pain. I've got one of those long days of class ahead of me, and then some extra-cirricular stuff. What's super duper exciting is: I GET TO SEE CADAVERS TODAY!!!!

All first year medical students dissect cadavers for gross anatomy, and some of the med school students who did my program last year decided to give us a tour. I'm so excited, because I know this will give me a better sneak-peak into med school.

Well, time to drug myself with sinus meds and get ready for class.

MAJOR insomnia leading to my thoughts on an angry God.

There's no hope that I'm falling asleep anytime soon.

So... The parental unit is visiting as well as a partial sibling unit. They got here last night. It's been... interesting. Besides the expected criticism of the messiness/uncleanliness, there were other annoying things that I knew were bound to happen.

The expected cleaning and organizing rampage took place. My mother started at 7:30 am this morning. Since I have given my parents my bedroom, I was situated on the sofa, in dream land, when the ear shattering sound of the coffee grinder being pressed on repeatedly gave me no choice but to wake up. 7:30 am. I don't even wake up that early for class. My mother is not used to using a coffee grinder, so she thought she needed to press the damn button, oh, I don't know, about 35 times in order to grind the coffee. 7:30 am!!! RIDICULOUS!

The rest of the day was Extreme Makeover- Apartment Edition. I was just fine with things the way they were but the control freak mom couldn't help herself. I must say, she has a magic touch. Everything's so neat and organized!

We went to the supermarket and I stocked up on tons of stuff. We had lunch and wine, and all of us passed out (which is probably why I can't sleep right now).

At night, they left me alone for a while to go see the city and walk around or something like that. I stayed behind to catch up on some reading and because, quite frankly, I'm not used to having 3 extra people in here. I got used to my lonely life all alone and lonely, you know? Being in a one bedroom apartment with your parents and little brother, no matter how much you missed them, can be quite nerve-wracking.

And now it's 3 am. I wouldn't mind being up at this time if it weren't for the fact that I am expected to wake up and go to church tomorrow. I actually want to go, believe it or not. Despite my not-so-great thoughts on Catholicism and the church, I think it's good to spend time being spiritual. Also, this happens to be a Maronite Church (Lebanese), which means there'll be coffee and snacks and mingling with Lebanese people, which keeps me in touch with my roots and gives me people to identify with. Furthermore, I am sure we will go out to lunch. Yes, I realize I should just stick with looking righteous and say "I'm going to church tomorrow" without explaining my motives, but I'm not a faker. I want to meet people and I want to eat. There. I said it. But I meant the thing about being spiritual... Really.

I may sound like a terrible person, a terrible Christian, but I'm not worried. First of all, the only way in which I can say I'm Christian is because I do follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. Besides that, not so much. I neither deserve nor desire the title. If there is a God as the Christians see Him, I know He's not gonna be mad at me for being this way. Fearing God is not my style. I don't think he's a punisher or that He even can be. I don't think there's a final judgement. I don't believe in heaven and hell. I don't have an explanation for who made us and why are we here, but I sure as heck don't like many of the ones that are available. Maybe it's beyond the scope of our understanding, and we should just live. Enjoy life. If there is a creator, a God, do you think he wanted us to sit around and lament our sins, live in endless guilt? No-sir-ee bob. I am not a hedonistic self centered person. I believe in good and bad/evil. But I don't believe in suffering for sins. I admire the man who sinned once and learned from it more than the man who lives in sin and guilt for his sins. More important than acknowledging a sin and regretting it is learning from a sin and understanding why it is a sin.

Hypothetical situation: If the Bible says whacking off is a sin (I don't know for sure if it does, but I'd say probably). You're a dude, and you wake up with enough wood to build a log cabin. You ain't no pimp so you aren't really getting laid left and right. So you whack it (naughty boy!) You're a sinner! So do you honestly think it's better to feel guilty after you do it everytime than to just accept that the Bible is just a book written by PEOPLE? I mean, science says it's good to jerk it (prevents prostate cancer), and getting erections in public can be quite embarassing (so I've heard). So poor dude, he whacks off, it feels great, but he's gotta sit around hating himself, feeling like a bad person. Unworthy of God. Have you ever felt guilty? Do you know what GUILT can do to a person? It sucks. It's a crappy feeling.

Ok, I kinda went off there. I lost my point. Oh, ok...I think God wants boys to whack off.

Just kidding.

Maybe a better example is needed. I'm too tired to think of a better one.

I guess the point is, next time you do something bad, next time you "sin," instead of feeling guilty, just try to understand why you did what you did. Knowing is half the battle. The rest of the battle, the harder part, is to not do it again. Guilt is a waste of time, it is negative, it only makes things worse. I think maybe people invented the idea of Heaven and Hell cause they thought that fear tactics would be a good way to get people to comply. That's how this country works too, isn't it?

ANYWAY, back to God:

I really think God wants people to be happy, as long as their pursuit of happiness does not involve hurting others directly. My old pal, Bertrand Russell says:

"The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy - I mean that if you are happy you will be good."

I've put this quote in another post. I like it. I believe it.

I need to try to sleep again. I know I'll come back to this post tomorrow and find that it barely makes sense, but for now I'll just throw it out there. I am not trying to criticize any belief system or anyone. I am just stating my point of view.

Before I go:

God is super happy. He is happiness itself. Do you think someone so happy could be an angry, punishing entity? I don't think so. I think if there's a specific being that is "God," he/she/it sits back and watches the show.

But there is an issue that comes up for me. I find a conflict in believing that there is a God and that he's happy all the time. I cannot deny that there are inexplicable things that happen, (ie coincidences, destiny, and more). You can't help but feel that you have a "guardian angel" or that "God is watching over you" sometimes. So, if I believe in that stuff then I can't really believe in a "sits back and watches the show" kind of God, because then how would I explain the bad stuff that happens without admitting that he may be angry? (do I make sense at all right now?) The point of this point is that I can't really believe in a "God" that is a single being; I can't believe in an anthropomorphic God, who judges, makes decisions, and "sees" things. My idea of God is more like, a life force, or something way too abstract for our little human minds to even begin to comprehend. This is not a Mariana original belief, I've read about stuff like this before but I can't give it the appropriate title. I like it without a title.

But, for all of those who believe in One God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and Earth, of all that is seen and unseen.... just know, he's happy. He's not mad atcha! He wants you to learn, never stop learning. He wants you to be happy. What makes me the authority on this? The same thing that makes the Church the authority on how you should live: someone's damn opinion!

Ok, now I'm really going to bed.

Brief study break.

It's not a break if I didn't start yet, though.

ANYWAY... to all them peeps bitching about the banning of articifial trans-fats, chew on this:

If you're all pissed off that this ban is like, taking away a right, why don't you think of it like trans fats are like drugs. Cocaine is illegal, is it not? LSD, PCP, Ketamine, MDMA, opium, heroin, the list goes on. Marijuana, too. Yes, I agree, drugs are bad (mmkay). BUT, many of these things, particularly marijuana, could never possibly lead to the amount of damage that is caused by these fats and other crap that's in our food. In the article on MSN, it says: "Doctors agree that trans fats are unhealthy in nearly any amount." DID YOU HEAR THAT?? UNHEALTHY IN ANY AMOUNT!!! Why in the WORLD should this shit exist??? It should also be illegal to pump cows full of hormones and genetically engineer fruits and veggies without knowing the potential threats....but that's a whole other can of worms. And so, if you think it's okay for Marijuana to be illegal, then you should be just fine and dandy with the ban. Deal with it, fatty. Alcohol should be illegal too. And smoking cigarettes.

Of course I don't really believe that. But I think that people shouldn't be sooooo outraged about this if they're the same people who think Marijuana should be illegal. I honestly do think that the government has WAY too much control over stuff. I'm a live-and-let-live kinda gal.

There's too much messed up stuff going on in this country, in this world, etc. Greed and obsession with money has led to a nation whose businesses will put their customers in danger just because it makes money. McDonald's, Pharmaceutical companies, etc. and so we have a bunch of fat-ass, addicted to pills, television humping consumers walking around with shitty health care. Sorry, am I ranting?

I should note that I am grateful for the good stuff this country has given my family and others. I always try to keep the negativity down... I haven't been doing a great job of that lately, but I blame the lack of sleep.

SO anyway, while I'm not a huge fan of "the man" I actually think this ban is a good thing. Yeah yeah, all the chefs have to change their recipes, and it's gonna lead to a lot of fines and stuff, but it'll be interesting to see how this all unfolds (if the ban is passed).

All this makes me think about how much healthier my lifestyle has become since moving from Miami. Life in DC, I like it. Compared to Miami, this place is so much more active. You can survive without a car here. FORGET ABOUT THAT in Miami. Nine months out of twelve, It's way too hot to get around on foot. Also, public transportation is shit, and stuff is not close.

I must say I miss the beach and the Cuban food (where can I get a pastelito and some Iron Beer in DC??). Oh and I miss my family and friends too, duh.

I kind of also miss the shitty radio stations and the one good radio station, a classic rock station with a hilarious morning show.

Ahhh, memories. I'm forgetting all my Spanish here. Pero estoy tratando de practicar con mi amigo Jose. El es de Peru, y esta en mi programa. Nosotros hablamos en espanol, usualmente para hablar de otras personas. Que malo!

Well, enough of that. There is an exam on Friday. After the embryology torture exam, I haven't had much motivation to give a crap. But really, I should study. This "brief" study break ended up being not-so-brief. Oh well. It happens.

Yeah.

I can't sleep.

I don't know why.

There's another exam this Friday (it never ends, I'm telling you).

It's been hard to get into study mode for this exam. It's biochem, one of three exams, and quite frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn,

I'm kidding. Of course I give a damn,

I just remembered a bad joke:

What did the fish say when he bumped his head?
Damn!

Here's another one... this one's a 10 out of 10 in cheesiness.

So, two antennae (that's plural for antenna) who have been dating for a while decide to get married. The wedding was last week. The ceremony was a bit boring but the reception was great!

*crickets*

ROFLMFAO!!!

(for those of you who are not in touch with the IM acronyms, ROFL= rolling on the floor laughing, and LMAO= laughing my ass of, and so ROFLMAO is.... you can figure it out).

I'm not literally in hysterics, but I really do like the joke. I think it's hi-frickin-larious. I don't care how cheesy it is.

I noticed more and more that very often in online conversations, I'll write "LOL" and there's not even a smile on my face. The whole LOL thing is abused. It's like when you say "that's funny" instead of laughing.
(just in case, LOL = laughing out loud... if you don't know that one you're living under a rock)

Ah the pointless banter. When will it end?

So I'm sippin on my sleepytime tea, hoping it doesn't work too well and make me oversleep.

I don't have much to say. Studying is wack. (wiggity-wiggity wack)

Oh yeah!

So...
My parents are coming to visit with my little brother this Friday. I'm excited and scared. I know that my father (obsessed with cleanliness) and my mother (obsessed with organization and cleanliness), will deem me unfit to live on my own due to the fact that my apartment is what you would call a "pig sty." The easy solution would be to pick up and clean but I have more important things to do, i.e. write pointless blogs that no one really reads and do hard sudoku puzzles from 2 week old newspapers. Oh yeah and studying also is slightly more appealing than cleaning.

I guess I'll tidy up a little bit, for mom. More for me, cause if the apartment's a mess she'll waste time and energy cleaning it for me, and I can't have that happen. Don't be fooled-it's not because I'm a sweet daughter who doesn't want to make her mommy work; it's actually because I want that woman to cook me some nice meals that I can freeze for later use. I'm a kind of sweet daughter, somewhere beyond my hefty appetite, I promise. MMMMM... mom's cookin. Can't wait! (She'd better cook, damnit)

So I'm looking forward to the visitors, particularly the little bro Danny, who is actually turning twelve years old tomorrow (actually, today). It feels like only yesterday he was a little baby whose poopie diapers I used to change.

So yeah... I'm going to attempt that whole "sleeping" thing one more time.

Good night. Buenas Noches. Bonne Nuit. Oodgay Ightnay.

I woke up this morning confused, directionless, with nothing to guide me (ie a "list of embryology lectures to learn").

THE EXAM IS OVER AND DONE WITH! And, at this point, I really don't give a crap about how I did. Quite frankly, the relief of finishing it outweighed any worries or thoughts about anything else.

After the exam was the after party; there was pizza and beer. The whole shabang was outdoors, and the weather has been sexy lately (sunny but cool). It resembles the "winter" in Miami. After ingesting oh, I don't know, 6 or 7 beers, my drunk ass came home and took a monster nap. I love napping. I woke up confused and drunk.

Then for the evening activities we all went to a bar, and hung out on the outdoor terrace (I guess it's called a terrace). I got me two dirty martinis, the freaking greatest drink of all time. Some beers followed. My liver hates me. The evening had it's usual, everyone's-extra-friendly-cause-they're-all-drunk overtone. I was wrong about this program. I expected to meet a large group of uptight, stiff, obnoxious pre-meds. So far, the people I've met have been pretty cool; many have a keen appreciation for alcohol.

So all in all, September 21, 2006 was a good day for me. It marked the end of a class. It was a day of booze and martinis and more booze, a day of being outdoors in gorgeous weather. A day when a nap was possible.

Today won't be so much of a great day. Today marks the beginning of a new cycle, for there is yet another exam rearing its ugly head. In exactly one week, we have our first of three biochemistry exams.

So, although I woke up slightly directionless, I know that there's a nice long list of things to do, including laundry =(

So... it's 10:33 PM.

In less than 11 hours, I will be in a cold classroom, pencil in hand, attacking an embryology exam.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy National Talk Like a Pirate Day!!!

Well, actually, it just ended... But September 19 is official National Talk Like a Pirate Day (Shiver me Timbers!)

To honor this important holiday, I offer a few cheeseball jokes:

What do pirates dump?
Garrrrbage


Where do pirates go on vacation?
Arrrrrgentina

Which member of the Beatles is a pirate's favorite?
Ringo Starrrrr

What's the most common pirate disease?
Sarrrrs

What do pirates use as transportation???
Come on, you can figure it out! The answer to this one is at the end of the post.

A-n-y-w-a-y....

I need a drink, desperately. Preferrably a Dirty Martini with 4 Olives. Or a scotch on the rocks. I love scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch...Here it goes down, down into my belly...

Why do I crave a drink, you ask? Well, because I need to unwind a little. Unwind, who am I kidding? I want to drink myself stupid, drown in my sorrows, and forget about life.

Kidding, kidding. I don't want AA coming for my ass.

Okay, back to why I need a drink: tomorrow is the last day of studying. The big exam is on Thursday.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yeah.
Freaking out a little.
Just a little.

Yes, I studied my ass off. But you don't get it. Really, you don't. EVERYONE ELSE STUDIED THEIR ASSES OFF TOO. These kids, they're no joke. They're walking around assless all the time. And it's not just the master's students (population: 150) who are taking the exam. It's the medical school students (population: probably more than 100) too. These are some serious, die hard, super mega studiers. I'm new to this hardcore studying crap. I'm (as my little bro would put it) a n00b. A rookie. A study-like-crazy virgin.

Ok, ok, I'm exaggerating a little bit.
Just a little bit...

On a brighter note: immediately after the exam, there will be pizza and beer. Nothing better than getting trashed at 11:00 in the morning.

What's not so cool, is that before the pizza and beer I have to take a stupid exam. Did I mention the exam?

150 questions. ONE HUNDRED FIFTY EFFING QUESTIONS!

Ok that's enough.

Time to hit the hay.

Oh yeah, and a pirate's primary mode of transportation is: A ship. DUH!

Khalil Gibran, On Marriage

And now for something that doesn't include me bitching about how much I studied, or how terrified I am about the exam: Khalil Gibran's book, "The Prophet," is like a collection of short essays. Each chapter of the book is called "On _________", and it's basically the advice of a prophet named Almustafa to a group of people. One particular entry, "On Marriage," really caught my attention.

Here it is:

On Marriage

Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"

And he answered saying:

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

-Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

Good stuff.

I like the way he expresses himself, and the analogies are strong. I think this advice is important, and it applies to relatonships as well. Codependence, loss of personal identity, etc... are to be avoided.

I would like to write more about this but I have a full day of classes and studying ahead of me.

By the way, the painting on the top of this post was done by Khalil Gibran also.

I'll take a tiny break from studying to write a thing or two.

Speaking of "two," stuff has been coming in twos again. I go through certain time periods where everytime I hear about something new, or learn something new, it comes up again shortly thereafter.

Example: Because I live under a rock, I did not know about the whole "Pluto's not a planet" thing. This is apparently old news. Today I saw that some friends on facebook joined a group called "I was a kid when Pluto was still a planet" or something like that. I proceeded to, in my typical Mariana-inquisitive-need-to-know-everything-way, google "Pluto not a planet," and lo and behold- people have been talking about this since 2001. Apparently, it was officially kicked off the list of planets some time last month. Crazy! Ok, the point...? oh yeah. So THEN, not even 4 hours later, I was browsing though a blog I read regularly, and the guy referenced the Pluto thing, with a link to an article.

This doesn't seem like a big deal, I know, but crap like this happens to me ALL THE TIME. Things come in twos or threes. The Pluto example is a really simple, kind of not so good example. But I mean, sometimes, I'll be thinking about something obscure and someone brings it up and then a totally random other person brings it up too. Know what I mean, JellyBean?

OH NO! I just realized the mnemonic device "My very excited mother just served us nine pizzas" is now obsolete.
(Mercury, Venus, Earth, Marts, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto)

I'm all about the mnemonics, man!

I guess the new one could be "My very excited mother just served us nutella" or something.

Mmmmmmm nutella!

Along with ROY G BIV (colors of the rainbow), PEMDAS (order of operations in math), and LIATE (something in calculus used for integration by parts), the solar system sentence is something I cherish. Why? Cause it taught me how to learn things in a lot less time than other people. I have about 15 little "tricks" like this for my next embryology exam.

Ah the embryology exam. Back to studying for that.

When that's over, it's going to be the kind of relief one feels after having to take a leak and holding it for a really really really long time.

Yeah.

EMBRYOS EVERYWHERE!

It's crazy what staying indoors all day on a Saturday, drinking approximately 6 cups of coffee, and studying embrology all day can do to a person....

Mind: sluggish
Body: twitching
Time: 2:56 am

Should be sleeping.


The studying may seem out of control or exaggerated, but it's actually a mild case of too little, too late. I'm probably exaggerating. Whatever. I don't really have anything better to do.

If only the day was dedicated entirely to studying, I would be satisfied. But alas! Unexpected events, telephone calls, and shiny objects distracted me.

-Unexpected events: eating food and using the restroom (which happens a lot when you drink 6 cups of coffee); I did not include time for these silly things in the strict schedule I made

-Telephone calls: scattered throughout the day; one particularly time-consuming call with the woman whose uterus I occupied for nine months. As an embryo, my syncytiotrophoblast cells burrowed into her endometrium..............yeah, I need to get to bed.

-Shiny objects: The internet (blogger, facebook, myspace, email, AIM, etc), and pretty much everything that WASN'T the embryology textbook, syllabus, powerpoints, and student notes (yes, we have all of those resources. Isn't that neat?)

One shiny object of note which distracted me for quite some time is the book "The Prophet," by Khalil Gibran. The apartment I am renting belongs to a young married couple, who left their furniture and many, many books. Lots of great books here, including Slaughterhouse V, a few Ayn Rand books, Catcher in the Rye, A Wrinkle in Time (one of my favorites as a kid) and much, much more.

"The Prophet" is great. I will write more about it when I don't have a mega-terrifying embryology exam coming up.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will emerge from my hermit-like existence to get some groceries, maybe go to the gym. Then I will hit the books. No I'm not using figurative language. I'm literally going to hit them...or throw them against the wall, perhaps?

I've got about 6 more lectures to study. That can be done in 6 hours if I stop jerkin' around.

For now, it is time to attempt sleeping. I will drink some sleepytime tea and maybe study myself to sleep.

Bonne Nuit, Buenas Noches, Good Night.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is c-r-u-n-c-h time. Embryology exam is on Thursday (Ay dios mio!)

Some random things:

-About the whole Spinach thing. Yeah, talk about scary. And annoying, cause now I can't eat my favorite veggie. Damn You E. Coli O157H7!!!!

-Someone pointed out to me today that "Keggles" seems like the name of a cereal. It does, doesn't it??? I believe it's pronounced keegles but the words still looks like the name of a cereal.

-My little brother told me online today that he realized that 30% of his entertainment at home was talking to me. He also mentioned that the value is considerably lower than it should be due to time commitment factors on my part; as he put it "it would be a lot more than 30% but you were always at work or school." I thought that was nice. I miss that little brat.

-I have to literally study all day every day as much as humanly possible between now and Thursday morning. Freaking gross.

-I should be sleeping right now instead of blogging. Yeah.

-The artwork above is an etching by M.C. Escher, an amazing Dutch artist.

Hmmm, strange! I just took note of the fact that his last name, "Escher," happens to be a part of the name of the bacteria which is causing assplosions across the country, Escherichia Coli (E. Coli).

Okay, one more thing: E. Coli is a bacteria found in our bodies normally. The E. Coli which is causing this outbreak is a different strain, known as O157H7. Just in case any microbiologically ignorant individuals were wondering.

Buenas noches. Nachos buenos (yum)

This is just a friendly reminder:

Smile!

Do it.

It's good for you. Really.

It makes you feel nice, and it's the easiest way to get out of a bad mood. It's pretty contagious, too.

It also can make people around you wonder what you're smiling about, and may quite possibly make you seem mysterious and interesting (even if you're boring and dumb).

Look at Mona. Aren't you dying to know why she's smiling? Maybe she's expecting to get the old heave-ho from Leo or maybe she has gas. Maybe she's an attention whore, loving every minute of this. She looks like she knows a secret that no one's supposed to know. Or, could it be that she's just a happy woman, content with life as it is?

I know, you think I'm looking into it WAY too much, and she's just be posing for a picture, but I don't think a fake smile could possibly be so enigmatic. Her eyes are alive (and a bit creepy). You don't get that kind of expression with a fake smile.

Anyway, forcing yourself to smile can really lift your spirits and change things nicely. It doesn't have to be a fake smile. Just make the conscious effort to find something that makes you smile. Think of someone who makes you laugh, think of something that makes you laugh, and you won't even have to force it.

And remember, laughter is the best medicine.

Today....

Today is September 11. A day that will never be forgotten. I will never forget where I was on 9/11, when I heard about the twin towers. Do you remember where you were??? I think about the lives lost and it saddens me; I think about the fact that people in this world exist who commit atrocities such as 9/11 all over the world, all the time, and it disgusts me.

Peace on Earth... Is it possible?

The world is crazy. Really. Speaking of things that are wrong in the world, pharmaceutical companies are evil. What?!??! Who said that!?! Did you hear something?

Today a woman came to our Career Pathways class to discuss Complementary and Alternative medicine (CAM), my favoritest subject in the world right now. I took a class just for fun called Alternative and Folk Medicine during the Spring 2006 semester. It's the coolest class I've ever taken. EVER.

She was awesome. She was politically active during her med school years, organizing unions for students and residents. She's all about CAM and she's all about activism. She talked about some CAM techniques, about how the US and South Africa are the only industrialized countries that do not have socialized medical care, about how no one in this country receives good medical care, about big pharmaceutical companies and how they fund 75% of research, and a lot of other things that interest me greatly.
It sounds cheesy, but she was really inspirational to me- what she said throughout her talk, the way she spoke, everything. I love to hear speakers like her. She was a bit dorky and she used her hands a lot while she spoke; she was REAL. She was a feminist hippie girl who fought and is still fighting for what she thinks is right. Gotta love that!
At the end of her talk she reminded us that as physicians, we will have the background and status to make a real difference. Yay Activism!

More about CAM later, it's bedtime.

Oh, just to talk about food for one second: I made me some mashed sweet potatoes to eat with dinner tonight. Success! I'll be a chef extraodinaire in no time!

Productive day. YAY!

I love this Salvador Dali painting--------------->

Well, I switched gears today and actually got a lot of stuff done. Woke up at noon after hitting snooze for 2.5 hours (I wanted to wake up at 9:30). Acceptable, since I had major insomnia till 3 am. Ate an empanada for breakfast (that would be, a meat pie, Latin American style). You're supposed to fry them but I baked it. I chugged my 1.5 cups of coffee and for some odd reason, organized my entire desk and living room area. Then I sat my productive Lebanese booty down and prioritized my applications, and filled out 5 of them. FIVE! Two of the applications had no essays, so they don't really count but still! Yay me! There was a break in between numbers 3 and 4 to have lunch: grape nuts cereal (yummy!). Yes, I realize my lunch was breakfastesque, and that my breakfast was lunchesque. *Cartman voice* Whateva, I do what I want!

Then, after application number five, little Ms. Responsibility (that's me) prepared dinner and lunch for tomorrow. Dinner was a salad (just spinach and cucumbers) and ground meat with onions and all-spice, which is usually used in Lebanese dishes to stuff something (eggplant) or in between two layers of mashed potatoes or in rice or to put in a meat pie (a Lebanese empanada, if you will). It is the stuff that is inside Kibbeh. It's called "stuffing" in Arabic. Usually people add pine nuts. I don't have any but it's still good to me! My mom makes this "stuffing" all the time for one or more of the aforementioned dishes, but there's always some left over. It is a well known fact in the Khawand residence that the left-over stuffing should be handed over to me. I eat the meat with pita bread in the morning or for dinner. It's not really morning food but I'm weird like that. Even more delightful: I throw some of it on top of my eggs while they fry. It's so damn good.
All-spice is great, it gives the food a flavor that reminds me of momma's cookin'. I don't know what other people use all-spice in their food besides the Lebanese/Middle Easterns.
Anyway, I totally went off on a food tangent there. Point of the story: I was productive today. Yippee!!!
Sixteen days till the Embryology exam. SIXTEEN DAYS! That exam is gonna be painful. Tomorrow I will begin "hardcore" studying. Definition: Eat, breathe, sleep embryology. What muscles arise from the second pharyngeal arch? I don't know! But I'm supposed to know. AHHHHH!
At least Embryology is interesting. It's one of the most fascinating subjects ever. To see what we looked like, to see the progression from a couple of cells.... blastula, gastrula, morula, something-elserula, embryo, fetus, newborn, toddler, brat, prepubescent hormonal prick, angst-filled wannabe adult, young adult, middle aged person, old fart...... it's all quite fascinating, really!
Ok, time for bed.
It's 10:42. The coffee's in the coffee maker, ready to be brewed. My backpack is ready, my lunch is packed, my panties are in a bunch, and it's time for bed.

Yet another boring Saturday night.... So, I figure, why not blog?!?!?

<-----Isn't this painting cool? I stumbled upon it. I love it.

Maybe I'm just pooped out from the awful Immunology test, but I just had no motivation to do much of anything today! After breakfast, blogging, and being bored, I decided to visit the gym in my apartment complex. I figured this would give me the energy boost I need, and make me feel less guilty about the fact that I ate at Chipotle last night. ****Side note about Chipotle: I want to know what addictive substance they put in those burritos! They're A-W-E-S-O-M-E. I wonder why there aren't any Chipotle's in Miami****

ANYWAY, the gym is small but it's got all the basics: treadmills, a couple of stair-climbers, weights, etc... I did about one hour of cardio, read some embrology. Got home, took a shower, made a badass semi-healthy lunch (boca burger wrap with grilled onions & melted cheese and baked french fries), and proceeded to completely waste my day doing absolutely nothing! Then I took a nap.

Time wasted. It's so annoying. It's even more annoying to think about it because there's nothing you can do about it!

I should give myself some credit. At about 8 pm I finally mustered up the energy to finish one more medical school secondary application. I've only done 8 out of the 20 or so applications that I need to fill out. Applying to medical school has got to be on my list of top ten most annoying things EVER. It saps your energy and your bank account. On 8 applications alone, I've spent 500 bucks. One of them was free, and two of them were only 30 bucks; the others ranged from $50-$105). And that doesn't include the cost of the AMCAS (primary application), which was about 900 dollars in my case. THEN, if you get an interview, you have to pay for a damn plane ticket and hotel too.

But I shouldn't complain. At least I am blessed with the opportunity to apply to medical school, to have had an education up to this point, to have the ability to read and write... That reminds me, I "stumbled" onto this cool website: http://www.miniature-earth.com/ It's a project about what the "numbers" would look like if the whole world was 100 people. It's not super duper mega shocking, but it's very interesting and cool. It puts things into perspective. WATCH IT!

Well I should get back to my secondaires (translation: I'll be blogging again in approximately one hour)

I'm sad to report that the exam was ridiculously difficult.

I'm less sad to report that everyone else in the class seemed to think so, too.

After the exam, the class president organized an outing to a bar on M street called Garrett's. It was very interesting and somewhat strange to see my classmates out of the classroom context. I had fun and a few drinks ($2.50 vodka-tonics!). I learned the names of about 25 classmates to whom I was never introduced before. I don't know how many of those names I will actually remember.

And so today, I will begin studying for the embryology exam that's coming up on September 21.

The picture above was taken in Lebanon in the mountains. I love flowers.

Sick of Immunology... (ah, the irony)

Tomorrow....I have my first exam!

It's in Immunology. 150 questions, multiple choice.

This is probably the first time ever (since highschool) that I didn't cram for an exam. I've been looking at the material casually for the past 2 weeks, and studying with a group. I don't know if I know it all or not.

It's soooo weird. I can't tell if I should feel confident or worried, because I've never studied this way before. I can't bring myself to study anymore tonight. Tomorrow I will have the morning hours to review. The exam is at 1 pm. Yikes! It's strange to not be freaking out before an exam that counts for HALF MY GRADE in the class!

Is this possibly the way it should be? I wouldn't know! I kind of like this whole studying like a normal person thing.

In other news, today was a a day full of coincidences. Yesterday, too. I have a feeling that I'm being thwarted into one of those time periods during which everything comes in 2's and 3's, coincidences will overwhelm me, and I'll feel "connected."

In other other news, my parents are coming to visit! I miss them! They are bringing Danny, my not so little brother. It's exciting. Hopefully my mom will be sweet enough to cook some of her world class Lebanese food.

It's time for bed. I will dream of antibodies and cytokines, MHC molecules and cytosolic proteases.

And maybe I'll dream that I'm at school naked. I hate that dream!

Ode to Spinach: Spinach is one of the coolest veggies EVER! WHY?

Well, for starters: it's yummy.
It makes you strong like Popeye (really!)
It's green
The health benefits are amazing!

Spinach is a rich source of Vitamins A, C, and E, several antioxidants, folic acid, lutein, and rubiscolins (no one knows what rubiscolins do, but the name is cool). Antioxidants are important in cancer prevention.

As I write I realize that I should be studying, not blogging. I will add to this post later. Point of the story: EAT SPINACH, IT'S SUPER DUPER GOOD FOR YOU!!! YEAH! (and it's fat-free, carb-free, and, like most veggies, it keeps you "regular". yeah. I said it.)

Insomniac psychobabble.

I am suffering from insomnia on this fine evening. It's 2:15 am. Techincally, it's Sunday, September 3.

Sometimes, when I'm in the car or on the metro, I look at the people around me. I think, hey, look at that guy in the blue toyota. He's got a whole entire life. He's got a family and a job and health problems and other problems. He has interests, and dislikes. He's been hurt before. He's been happy before (I hope). He's probably been in love. He's probably gotten drunk. He probably has a secret he's never told anyone. He's probably done his share of stupid things, said his share of stupid things. Right now, there's something going on in his head. A stream of thoughts, or is he listening to the radio? He could be thinking "I wonder what's for dinner. I hope (insert wife's name here) makes something good" or he could be thinking "I hate my life, I want to die" or he could be thinking about a coworker's voluptuous body or he could be just listening to the radio with no thoughts in his head.

The point? What is the point of me writing this? I barely even know. It's just something that goes through my head sometimes when I look at strangers. It amazes me whenever I stop and think about how comlpex this world is.

We live in a way such that we must be primarily concerned about ourselves then those around us. Some people also take the time to help those in dire need and participate in goodwill activities. But we don't really pay attention to the emotions and feelings of the dude in the other car, the woman at the supremarket, etc. Those people exist because we see them. Their feelings don't exist for us. I guess just taking the time to acknowledge the existence of the stranger's emotions, thoughts, etc just gives me a weird sense of wonderment.

Another thing that always makes me stop and think is babies. I look at them and I would love to know what is going on in their oversized heads. I don't know if it's my biological clock or what, but lately every time I see a baby I just want to carry/hug/kiss the little fucker. I digress. Babies, what's going on in their heads? Who knows, maybe as a baby you have powers (telepathy, etc) that you lose as you grow and gain the potential for memory. Maybe as a baby you know something important, like the meaning of life, and that is why you are blissful and happy.

What about a fetus? What about an embryo? (it's called an embryo until week 8, I believe). I'm taking embryology, and we're learning about how every part of the body arises. It's quite fascinating. But no one knows how and when "awareness" arises. What if every molecule has its own level of awareness?

When studying the immune system and many other biological systems, one learns that cells "communicate" with each other. The immune response to a bacterium, for example, is mediated by numerous cells and signals. It's all very intricate, very complex. The image at the top of this blog is a representation of the cells involved in removing the bacteria from the body. I googled the picture for this blog but I may just print it out to help me study.

One more thing: DNA. It's amazing! I will dedicate a blog to DNA soon.

Taking a moment to step back and revel at the complexities of this world always makes me feel good. I don't know why.

All this random talk has gotten me tired.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the insects of the bed gnaw at your flesh.....(that's how the saying goes, right?)

what does sleep tight mean, anyway?

DNA^

Wrecklessness Withdrawal Syndrome.

My life has gone from party-hearty to BOOOOORRRRIIINNNGGGG.

For example, this is how my weekend has progressed:
Friday night: Started writing the notes for class. Made a necklace. Went to bed.
Saturday: Woke up at 9:30. Ate breakfast. Went to pick up a box sent from mom and dad. Talked on the phone a bit. Finished notes for class. Ate lunch. Filled out two medical school applications. Chatted online. Sat here in my apartment, with the windows open, listening to people yelling at a house party nearby. Realized there was something really odd about this picture....

I should be at some house party, partying it up! But I'm not.

It's Saturday night, and I'm home. I was home all day. That was unheard of in Miami. It's okay, this is my new life. Study hard. Study on the weekends. Study study study. It's a huge change, but I can handle it. I was built with a study hard engine, I just never went past "cram before test" mode.

What's not so cool: I'm thinking, this is only the beginning. After this, if all works out, I'll be in medical school. Medical school, that aint no joke. How much "free time" will I have? How much studying will I do? Then comes residency, roughly 100 hours a week of work. Then my career and marriage and children and wrinkles and menopause and osteoperosis and.............

Okay, the point is, will I ever party like a rockstar again? I mean, I know people outgrow that stuff, but, I didn't! Or did I? I didn't even notice!!!!

The medical school students at UM (go canes!) that I know actually party a lot. But, will I go to UM? If so, there is no guarantee that my classmates will be into partying.

Why am I so worried? This is just a side effect. My body and mind are getting used to the whole being responsible thing. It's like a drug withdrawal. I was addicted to irresponsibility. I'm seeing a baby crawling on the ceiling and everything.

Some people are just negative Nancies all the time. Always criticizing. They stink.

You know what I mean, jelly bean?

Come on, you know. That one person who's always got something negative to say, thus revealing his or her unhappiness with him/herself, or with life, or both.

The worst is when they have no clue that they suck so much. The worstest worst are the ones who seem nice, just cause they're soft-spoken and friendly, but they're actually "faking the funk with a nasty dunk" (as my friend Randi used to say). Well, newsflash, they're not nice. Not at all. They're just the way they are because they are spineless. No self esteem. Insecure.

Let me take a moment to point out that at one point in my life, I was an insecure girl with no self esteem. Unhappy with life, with myself, but that's all in the past, in the world of teenage angst and identity crises. And so, I empathize with these people. It does not, however, change the fact that they suck.

It reminds me of a good quote by Bertrand Russell, an excellent philosopher:

"The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy - I mean that if you are happy you will be good." ---Bertrand Russell

I truly believe this.

Some other good quotes by him related to happiness are:

"I've made an odd discovery. Every time I talk to a savant I feel quite sure that happiness is no longer a possibility. Yet when I talk with my gardener, I'm convinced of the opposite."

AND

"If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have a paradise in a few years."

I think all of these quotes are from his book "The Conquest of Happiness." He has some very interesting works including really great arguments against religion. I think everyone should read his work, regardless of what they believe, because he makes some really good points.

I totally went on a tangent there. The point is, those negative people suck. And in a way, it wasn't a tangent. Because the savant/gardner example relates to the people I'm always around; intellectuals who have bright futures, individuals for whom knowledge is a burden. The next quote just shows that the people to whom this post is dedicated are EXACTLY the ones who are sitting around desiring "the unhappiness of others" instead of their own happiness. See. I'm not random. Hah!

So I realize there's a little bit of irony in this post since I am critizing people for criticizing people.

Gosh! I hate hypocrisy!!!

But seriously, I am not trying to criticize anyone. I'm just saying that what they do to themselves and those around them is just unnatural and unnecessary. I pity them. And they STINK!

Last night I was at a bar and they suddenly played "Bob Sinclair: Love Generation." This song is amazing, and hearing it reminds me of my summer in Lebanon. Whenever this song was played at a bar or club, everyone just went nuts.
Bob Sinclair's other famous song, "World Hold On" is awesome too. The video for this song is really good.

that's all. just wanted to put that out there.

yeah.

The scenic route...

Walking on Connecticut Avenue to the metro station every morning is proving to be a much better alternative to waiting for the bus. It's a nice 15 minute walk.

With my iPOD on I feel like I'm in a movie. I shift my eyes, one shift per beat, and it enhances the whole "in a movie" effect. I'm still getting used to seeing so many people walking on the sidewalks, red brick buildings, and American people (none of which are common in Miami).

In other news: I'm still slacking on my pimping as far as studying is conerned.

WHINING AND DINING....

I don't like to be dramatic or sappy in my blog, just cause life's too good to be complaining. Count your blessings, etc...

But today I just wanted to write that I'm feeling kinda blue (da-ba-di, da-ba-die). I didn't notice I was feeling so blue until I ended my online conversation with

"Well, i'm gonna go cook a lonely dinner-for-one. No salt needed, my tears will do the job"

I laughed when I read it because it just sounds like something that would make me roll my eyes if I heard it from someone else.

I'm getting used to the whole living alone thing, being far away from the people I love. The application process for medical school along with the ridiculous masters program I'm in create a stress level which may exacerbate the negative/sappy feelings.

Enough of that.

By the way, I hate the Washington DC metrobus system.

Ah-ha, hush that fuss...
I'm just gonna forget about taking the bus.


Screw the buses. Really. I hate it. I've got no patience, and I hate waiting (what is it with me and the hip-hop allusions today?). I'm just gonna walk the mile to the metro station and take the metro. AHHHH.

I could use the exercise and fresh air anyways. I did it today with a heavy backpack and I feel great.

And so, in closing, fuck the police.

Oops. I mean fuck the bus.

Smitty in the City...

Well , today has been one of the better ones.

First, I did me some learnin'. Gastrulation of an embryo is quite interesting. Really.

Then, I commenced on my first adventure with public transportation in DC. I took the Georgetown University Shuttle (nice and FREE) to Dupont circle. I was looking around, trying to figure out where to go next, when I ran into a classmate from the SMP, which stands for Special Master's Program. I think the S should stand for STEROIDS. Anyway, my friend walked with me to the metro station and helped me find the bus stop. A very friendly and nice employee at the metro station let me cheat and get a bus transfer, and gave me some important information. I waited at the bus stop for a while, where I read, in utter confusion, the bus schedule. My stop was not listed there, but I assumed that there's no way to list all the stops so I didn't worry too much.

I hopped on the bus and tried to give the bus driver the money. He looked at me as though I was some sort of alien and pointed at the machine that takes the money. I laughed nervously and sat down right behind him. The bus was completely empty. I asked the driver if he stopped where I needed to go. He looked at me like I was an alien with a big sign over my head that said "total retard."

I told him I was new to all this stuff, and he said, "I noticed!" He was very helpful, explaining a lot of important things to me. He told me about some land he has in Sarasota, his three adopted children, life in Washington D.C., and more. His name is "Smitty." I dub him "Smitty in the city." As people got on the bus he greeted them so nicely. A lot of people knew him and said hello to him the way one says hello to someone who really brightens up their day. What a nice dude.

While on the bus, a guy saw me staring at the map. I was trying to learn it. He came up to me and asked me if I needed help finding where I was going.

THEN when I got off the bus, I was a bit disoriented and a woman who had gotten off at the same stop as me noticed this. She asked me if I needed help.

SO, in total, 5 people helped me in my journey from bus stop to apartment today.

Today is one of those days when I really feel connected to the universe. There have been quite a few coincidences lately, and things are falling into place.

And now, it's time to study. According to the suggested study time for my steroids masters program, I should have spent 20 hours studying already. I am about 19 hours behind.

So...you know when you have work to do but you just keep getting online and going on msn messenger and checking your email and calling people on the phone and getting up for a snack and making to do lists and doing everything except for what you are supposed to be doing?

yeah...

I hate that.

It's amazing how two hours fly when you need them and 15 minutes seem like an eternity when you're in class listening to the most boring lecture in the history of lectures.

The image I have included in this blog is one of my favorite paintings by my favorite artist, Salvador Dali. It just reminds me of having too much to do, too little time, being a mess, etc.

Happy birthday... to me

WELL. It's 1:17 am. I am officially 23 years old.

Birthdays... aren't that important, you know? I used to demand to be treated like royalty on the anniversary of my emergence from mom's cave. Now I'm just like meh. I mean, I like being pampered, and I LOVE any excuse to party (ie St. Paddy's day, Cinco de Mayo, and other not so real holidays during which we Americans like to go get plastered).

Point is I am not as crazy about my birthday as I used to be.

This birthday, in particular, is extra sucky because I will be attending my first grueling day of classes. This whole moving out ordeal has been a pain, mainly because finding a decent place to live in DC is like finding a needle in a haystack. A very freakin expensive needle, I might add.

Let me bitch some more about my apartment hunting. Today I was supposed to finalize the rent agreement with a man whose basement I was going to be living in. It's a nice basement, with a kitchenette and a bathroom and a lot of space. Walking distance from school. Close to market and a laundromat and a bunch of other neat stuff.
His wife called today and left a message saying that the girl who was supposed to leave decided to stay. DAMNIT.

SOOOOO I went and checked out one last apartment with my dad, who has been with me through this whole process (thank God for overprotective dads). Fully furnished, one or two buses away from school (only 3 miles, though), very nice. We got the dude to knock off a hundred smackaroos from the rent. I found out a friend of mine lives really close by, also. BAM, after a morning of disappoinment we had an afternoon of bliss. All our troubles seemed so far away....

...until...

I googled the damn place. WHY did I do it? Just to show a friend a picture of my new awesome apartment. Woo hoo. The third search result was something from a website called "apartmentratings.com" with ratings for my future abode. Holy shit. There were all sorts of complaints, including two about poorly sealed windows and bugs getting in. EEEW! Some other complaints were:

-poor management
-bad insulation on the windows (so you freeze your ass of in the winter)
-the radiator spews fluid
-bad maintenance
-thin walls- you can hear what your neighbor is thinking

and more.

There were some positive reviews but overall the place got a 38%. I don't know, but 38% is not so wonderful.

Then I checked out the rents. The guy is charging me LESS than the rent he is paying. WEIRD. Makes me think there's a reason for that. I'm so scared!

NOW... I'm just gonna stick with it if it is a month to month lease. If not, I'm gonna have to ask some serious questions.

Enough ranting for now. I hope my birthday/first day of school is not crap-o-riffic.

Oh yeah, back to my birthday. I must say, being in a relationship with a great person is really sweet, and when you loose that relationship, it's days like your birthday that make you remember nice times. It's not cause of the presents, it's more because you're sharing a special time with someone you love/who loves you. And the presents are always nice too.

Great, now I'm feeling a bit discombobulated. If you ordered a "Marianatini right now, it would be:
One part loneliness,
two parts frustration,
a splash of I'm-getting-old-what-a-waste-of-life-I-am depression.

Don't forget the olives.

No, no, I'm just being melodramatic. I am not depressed, old, or a waste of life. (just a splash, I said). I know better than to be thinking that way. I am a lucky girl with an ed-u-ma-cation and the potential to do whatever I want. Sometimes my mind gets cloudy and I forget that. yada yada yada...

AND SO, I face tomorrow with a smile on my face and my friends in my heart. I wish they could be here to celebrate my super important special holiday that has somewhat lost its luster but not completely as has been made evident to me through writing this blog and concluding it with that "my birthday is important" feeling. Did that sentence make sense? Maybe I should get to bed.

THE CEDARS OF LEBANON...

some pics from Lebanon that I didn't put up...

Neat stuff.

My good pal Lane told me about this toolbar thingie called "Stumble Upon." It's this thing you join and you choose from a bunch of categories that you're interested in and then you download a toolbar for your web browser. The toolbar has a button called "Stumble!" and it will take you to random cool sites which fall into one of the categories you chose.

It's cool. Check it out!

Days 1 and 2 of my latest adventure:

Well, I just went through 2 days of orientation for the graduate program in which I will be participating this year. It is a one-year "Special Masters Program in Physiology and Biophysics" at Georgetown University. It is a program tailored for people who want to go to medical school. A few things I picked up on:

1: This year will be extremely challenging. They told us so. Over and over and over again. Teachers, advisors, and former students made it a point to remind us that this program is ridiculously tought. Approximately 5 hours of studying each day, every day, is "necessary." yuck.

2: This year will be very stressful as far as applying to med school is concerned, mainly because I will be surrounded by 150 other people who are also applying and who will be talking about the schools they got interviews at, etc... double yuck.

3: This year is going to be great.

I'm excited. Really. Despite the fact that I will study more than I have ever studied in my entire life, I'm honestly excited. It's great and energizing to meet 150 new people. I already met some classmates. They seem cool so far. I love meeting new people. I know that many of my classmates will be uptight pricks, but that's life. I need to get used to being around uptight pricks. It's good preparation for medical school, which will surely be chock-full-o-pricks.

The whole studying for a gazillion hours a day thing turns out to be not so bad when my "big sib" (a student who went through this program last year) put it into perspective. He said "see it as a full time job." I used to work full time at the lab. That's 40+ hours a week. School is my new full-time job. I will attend classes for no more than 4 hours each day (only 1 hour on some days). Add up study time and there I'll have something around 40 hours a week. It's my new full-time job. I can deal with that.

Another reason I'm excited is because of my surroundings. The Georgetown campus is sweet. The surrounding area is very nice. If I will have any time to party, I look forward to visiting the bars and pubs in the area. Also, Washington DC itself is very nice. I will visit the museums and monuments at least once. I saw them when I was a little kid, and I remember loving it.

I am nervous because it is my first time living alone. I know it'll be a great experience. My wonderful parents are having major separation anxiety. They insisted that I got a place big enough for them to come stay at frequently. Fine with me! Maybe 2 years ago I would have rolled my eyes at the thought of them interrupting my life. Now I realize I'll miss them a lot and that it would be great for them to visit- particularly my mother, who is a phenomenal cook and who will organize my room out of sheer nervousness. She is allergic to mess.

The house hunting was a pain in my Lebanese posterior, but I think I finally found a place. It is a basement apartment, walking distance from the bus. On a really nice day I can walk to and from school (approximately 30 minutes).

And thus begins my adventure. This year will be littered with rejection letters from medical schools, all-night study sessions, and high-levels of stress and anxiety. On a brighter note I will be super-duper mega prepared for medical school, have some interesting experiences, and meet new people.

Change is scary...

I am in a state of anxiety and stress. I am leaving home for the first time ever, to take on a (supposedly) tough masters program at Georgetown University for one year. I feel overwhelmed with all of the packing, finding a place, etc not to mention with the thought of not seeing friends and family for a while. ARGH. Things will be okay, I know.

My bestest best friends threw me a surprise going away party on Friday. It was grand.

I can't think of much to write. This blog has been lacking in content lately, but there is no time or inspiration.

Thanks to Aldo for all of the moral support.

Although I am not muy religiosa, I think this prayer is great and wanted to share it. Almost everyone knows it, but, I don't think most people really pay attention to the words.

GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.

There are days when I really really need to keep this in mind, particularly the serenity part. It is hard to remember that there are things we CANNOT CHANGE!!!

Will there ever be peace in the Middle East?

Lebanon, my beautiful country, the country I fell in love with this summer, is a scary place right now. The entire country is being punished because of the actions of one group of people. Just when Lebanon was getting back on its feet after years of war, this happens.

I don't have much more to say right now and there is not much that I can do besides hope that this will end soon. I can't help but think about my family and friends in Lebanon, their fear, their suffering.

This stinks.

You know when you drink a lot and you feel like you need to yak and you keep passing out and then waking up from nausea but you don't yak you just feel crappy then you pass out again and then wake up again and your heart is pounding and you feel like shit?

I hate that!

And now for some comedy:

Disclaimer: I am in no way homophobic. I am all about gay rights!!! I just thought these were clever/funny.

1. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians? ..
A licker cabinet.

2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? ....
A Klondyke.

3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? ..
Militia Etheridge.

4. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.

5. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? .
Fur Traders.

6. What is a lesbian dinosaur called? ....
A Lickalotapuss.

7. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? .
Well Hung.

8. Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned?
She was found face down in Ricki Lake.

9. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? .....
Even the pool table doesn't have balls.

10. What do you call lesbian twins? ....
Lick-a-likes.

11. What's the definition of confusion? .
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

12. What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker.

MY WAY...

Right now, I am in a phase of my life riddled with uncertainty. I have some lofty and unconventional goals, and I am unsure about a lot of things. I have spent a lot of time dissipating the fear and anxiety through some rational thinking and the advice of others. I can now say I look to the future with nothing but confidence and excitement.

My father, one very good role model, enjoys singing obnoxiously. One of his favorite songs is "My Way," by Frank Sinatra, because the lyrics are so true to his own life. I hope- correction, I KNOW- I will sing this song and mean it one day.

"And now, the end is near, and so I face, the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.
I've lived, a life that's full, I've traveled each and every highway.
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention.
I did, what I had to do, and saw it through, without exemption.
I planned, each charted course, each careful step, along the byway,
and more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew,
When I bit off, more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up, and spit it out.
I faced it all, and I stood tall,
and did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried,
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing.
To think, I did all that, and may I say --- not in a shy way,
"Oh no, oh no not me,
I did it my way".

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things, he truly feels,
And not the words, of one who kneels.
The record shows, I took the blows ---
And did it my way!

I can just hear Frank Sinatra's voice booming in my head...

Another cluster of words which inspires me is Robert Frost's famous poem "The Road Not Taken" :

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

Normally, I am not a big fan of poetry (I usually don't understand it) but this poem's message is important to me.

And so, I'll listen to my friends, Frank and Robert. I'll do it my way and take the road less traveled. There will be some shitty times but hey, it wouldn't be life without shitty times, right?