Gross Anatomy is not really as fun and cool as I thought it would be. Formaldehyde burns the eyes, removing fat from a cadaver is time-consuming and quite disgusting, and trying to find nerves is nerve wracking.

But, it's still awesome in its own way.

I feel as though we all became unexpectedly desensitized to the fact that we are cutting away at a body which was once occupied by a soul. A mind, a heart. A person with real feelings, a life, maybe some kids? A person who had a favorite color and a favorite movie, fell in love, maybe did some drugs? Yeah, all those feelings *poof* disappeared as I made large incisions across the cadaver's back, pulled the skin away from the muscles, and scraped away the fat and tissue.

I try to stay conscious of the human side of it all, but I don't want that to deter me from learning. I also don't want to have nightmares. I do, however, want to always appreciate the individuals who graciously donated their bodies so that we stressed out twenty-somethings can get our hands dirty (literally) and do some learnin'.

Today, as the formaldehyde burned my eyes, I looked away from the dissection table to try to catch some clean breaths of air. I looked around the room, and saw the faces of my classmates, concentrating, slicing, searching, learning. It was like a scene out of a movie. What kind of movie, I don't really know. But it was like a movie, damnit. It made me feel very lucky to be in medical school.

I know, I know, once the 7 hour exam blocks and sleepless nights come rolling in, I'm going to be bitchin' like the rest of 'em. But for now, in between brief episodes of panic and stress, I'm still able to appreciate some things.

Speaking of appreciation, I have a new found appreciation for anyone who has ever put together furniture. I built my own desk yesterday. It was a relaxing activity in the sense that it had *nothing* to do with science, but it was frustrating in the sense that it had everything to do with incompetent instruction manual writers and poorly designed furniture. It is a sexy desk, very plain, very big. It felt good to build it myself, and I suppose I will never take that desk for granted. It would be cool if everyone could spend just one day in the shoes of the people who make things possible (ie the farmer who grows our food). Maybe not. Whatever.

That's all there is to say, I suppose.

A couple of posts ago I wrote about how while tearing apart my calendar from 2005, I remembered what a tough year it was. Check out my horoscope for today:

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)

Reality has an obstacle or two to place in your way now, as Saturn is in its final week of visiting your sign. Consider the extraordinary pressures you have faced since August, 2005, to see what you can learn from the past two years. Remember, awareness is crucial; if you can understand your role in what's happening, then you can push through to the other side.

Crazy!

On a totally unrelated note: today I have my first dissection. I pre-read the lab manual, went to bed early, ate a good breakfast, packed a healthy lunch, and even got some annoying forms done that I had been putting off for a while. Being a responsible student felt great. I had such a smug sense of having everything under control. I said to myself, "Ha, world! You can't trip me today!" And then...


I realized that I forgot to bring my lab coat. Damn it.

Gaaaaaawd. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Anyway, enough of that. I just wanted to reflect on my horoscope. Some weeks the readings are so on the money it's scary.

First day of Class....

Was great. Despite being called out by the teacher for walking in late with two other people (and later being the only one that people made fun of for it), it was a great day.

We got stethoscopes which were donated by the Alumni Association. That was kind of emotional and it felt like a rite of passage. I'm still having lapses of "holy crap I'm here."

Then we got our first lecture in Histology. Boringest subject EVER.

Later in the day, we went into the anatomy lab and met our cadavers. It was intense, and a bit eerie. Their faces were covered up, which made it a bit easier to deal with.

The day ended with 2 hours of boredom in Histology lab. *yawn*

And now, it's almost 11 pm, my new bed time. At least that's what I'm shooting for.

Tomorrow we have our first dissection. I'm a bit nervous but mega-excited. Hopefully I won't botch anything up!

My MSN tarot reading: (yes, I realize it seems like BS but I do it for fun)

Today is a day where you want company, new acquaintances, friends, a new love, Mariana. The World puts you in a frame of mind that’s open to the world. You are likely to get plenty of invitations – and will certainly accept them, as you are keen to establish new friendships. Strength, on the other hand, makes sure that you use discrimination and do not waste your time with people who are not worth it. So make the best of this day and enjoy! You are going to have a very pleasant working day today. Your projects are coming along, your efforts are being recognized, your social skills help you be friendly with the people you are dealing with. Jointly, the Star and the World are opening up your horizons and are increasing your chances of success in every sphere. If you are working on a project involving a foreign country, you will get all the support you need. Look at the bigger picture!

Yuh. Making new friends is fun. It's been happening all week. I've gotten to know a good bunch of my classmates. It's still orientation, so for the most part, everyone seems real nice and cool. But who know what lurks beneath their first-impression cloaks. We'll find out come anatomy lab, exam time, and of course, when we're outside of school as more and more opportunities to get inebriated present themselves.

But I've gotta say, I'm so *STOKED* to be here. I pinch myself every once in a while to make sure this isn't an elaborate dream.

Today I dismembered a 2005 Salvador Dali calendar so that I could use the pictures to un-boringify the walls of my room. I saw all the stuff I had written on there, like "MCAT scores come out" and "recommendation letter deadline" from when I was applying to med school the first time. I got this little tingly "holy crap I did it" feeling as I flipped through the calendar. 2005, what a year. It was the year I graduated from college. It was also the year ridden with the most self-doubt. "What am I doing with my life?" nagged me frequently, along with "what do I want?" and "why the hell do I have so much trouble making up my mind?!"

I'm glad those days are over and that I know where I'll be for the next 4 years. Choosing a residency, however, may present a similar situation. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it....

Ok, it's party time!

Oh Em Gee

(Spelling letters of the alphabet has become second nature to me thanks to Scrabble...)

ANYWAY...

OH EM GEE, I'm leaving to Gainesville today. Gator country. The Swamp. Ironically, I actually live pretty close to the Everglades here in Miami. Now THAT'S a swamp.

Tuesday marks the beginning of orientation, a week-long, 8-5 ordeal that will undoubtedly be exciting and tiring. I can't friggin' believe I'm going to medical school. I'd be lying if I said I'm not worried.

Worried about meeting new people? No. Worried about the workload? A bit. Worried that I will be miserable, never get married, and hate my career? You bet your sweet ass I am!

Ok, I'm exaggerating. I'm sure I'll trick someone into marrying me. I'm sure I won't be miserable, or at least I won't know I'm miserable until it's too late. But the career thing. Holy guacamole, this is a huge investment. Four years of school, several more years doing a residency, 200K in debt, studying my arse off, etc. Imagine doing all that then realizing... "I shoulda gone to law school."

Maybe I'll do it all then be a housewife. That would be cool.

For now, I need to get through orientation and force myself to pay attention. I always miss something, like a deadline or details about a requirement. It's because I have ADD. No not really. I hate when people say that. EVERYONE has ADD, apparently. I think it's just a case of "when something is boring, I don't want to pay attention to it." Freaking people just want to make excuses. "I have a disorder."

Damn it all.

Speaking of ADD, what the hell was I saying?! Ah well, I should go finish up for the big move.

You Make Me Better...

I'm partially obsessed with this song. Why?

-The words "You Make Me Better" are powerful. You should always be with someone who makes you better. But throughout the song, and I'm paraphrasing here, he says "I'm awesome, but you make me better" in several different ways: I'm a star, she's the sky, I'm a cake, she's the frosting. It's actually quite cute in a simple, cheesy way. And I feel the emphasis on the idea that he's just fine and dandy by himself ensures that people don't misinterpret the song to be a proclamation of codependence/low self estem. You know, he's not saying "I suck without you." Gosh it's great. Anyway, I should point out that a lot of the lyrics suck, but the concept is still great.

-The line: "I'm a movement by myself/but I'm a force when we're together." It makes me think of Physics. If movement is in terms of meters per second (m/s) and force is in terms of Newtons (kg*m/s^2), then that implies that his girlfriend is kg/s^2. Adorable, no? But wait. Somewhere earlier in the song he says "you plus me." So that means they're adding to each other. How can you add to a velocity to create force? I'm confused. I guess hip-hop stars are allowed to get away with fuzzy mathematics.

Ok, that was terrible. But I *always* think about that when I hear that line. I had to share. Back to normal reasons for loving a song:

-The beat is awesome.

-The video... is okay. I like the actress (Roselyn Sanchez) in it, which gives it a few extra points. She is very pretty and exotic looking. Again, it's not the most riveting video.

So yeah that's how I feel about this song. While popular music and hip hop has taken a turn for the worse lately, I am still finding some enjoyable stuff coming around, such as:

Stronger - Kanye West

(OMG AMAAAAAAZING SONG!)

The Way I Are - Timbaland & someone

(yes, blatant grammar error, but it's still a great song)

Delilah - Plain White Tees

(makes me sad)

And anything by Justin Timberlake or Nelly Furtado

OK, gotta run.

Miami, Foreign Country

The lovely city of Miami from a cruise ship

So today I was entering my house address in online some financial aid form and when I hit "F" for state, "Foreign Country" came up. I laughed to myself, because Miami really is like a foreign country.

Later on in the day, I had a "Miami is a foreign country" experience when I dragged myself to the gym. I'm not gonna lie, I was not in a good mood. When you arrive at the gym, you give your membership number and the employee has to enter it and make sure it's you based on a photo they take when you sign up.

Fun fact: The name of the gym is Porky's. Just charming, isn't it?

Anyway, I got to the front counter and there was a middle aged woman at the computer. I smiled at her and barely got the first number out when she rudely barked: "En Espanol, por favor." Yes, "por favor" means please. I don't remember if she actually said please but I will try to keep the demonization of this foul woman to a minimum, since I admit I was in a shitty mood. So I slowly, clearly dished out my membership number in Spanish, digit by digit, with a smidgen of attitude, I'll admit. I will also admit that while speaking slowly added a dramatic effect, part of my reason for doing so was because it took me a while to process it all in Spanish. How VERY inconvenient for the customer! Anyway, instead of just opening the gate and letting me get to sweatin', she decided to ask (rudely) where I opened my membership, because my number was weird, I assume. Honestly, my picture was up on the screen and she was just being a pain in my un-worked out gluteus maximus. There was another guy behind the counter who witnessed all of this; he saw that I was already irritated at this wench's attitude, and he saw me give her the number in a very annoyed way. He said "don't worry about it, just go in" and I knew he knew that his coworker was just being a pain in the ass and that it wasn't an uncommon occurrence. She didn't like my attitude, but she started it.

What bugs me is that it's definitely not the first time I've been faced with being treated rudely for speaking English in Miami. As an immigrant myself, I would like to put it out there that I have NO PROBLEM with immigrants. It's great that people from other countries can come here and have a real life and live the so-called "American Dream." I do, however, have a problem with the attitude of many Hispanics in Miami. There is a sense of entitlement. They take it for granted that they've got a huge community of their own kind, that they don't have to feel like strangers in a strange land, because a giant part of the population is just like them. "Learn English", I'd like to say. But, I know that it is not easy to learn a new language, especially when you are older, especially when 90% of the people around you are not helping you practice because they're all speaking to you in Spanish. That's fine. It is a matter of circumstance, and the truth is, if my parents lived somewhere where 90% of the people around them were Lebanese, they probably wouldn't speak as much English (and Spanish) as they do now.

But this lady didn't even make the effort. Her job is to listen to people give me their membership numbers. All she needs to do is learn the ten possible digits that could make up a membership number. WTF. I can count to ten in half a dozen languages. It's not that hard. But FINE, maybe that's too difficult for her. I'd respect that too. But for her to sass me up and demand I tell her my number in Spanish. Harumph! She's got some nerve!

And she's not THAT new to the country, because she has been working at the gym for at least a year (I remember seeing her there last year). So PSSHHH.

Ok, now I'm done ranting. I wish I had pulled the "No habla Espanol" card on her. Because what business does a Lebanese chick have speaking Spanish? Of course, I look like any other Cuban girl so people automatically assume that I speak it.

I grew up this way. Everywhere I turned there was someone who didn't speak English, or who didn't even care to try. Welcome to Miami, bienvenido a Miami. Damn Will Smith and his catchy tunes.

As much as I may complain about it (in case you couldn't tell, I complain about it a lot), I must say growing up here gave me the chance to learn and practice Spanish as though living in a Spanish-speaking country. I can say that I (sadly) speak Spanish better than Arabic. I also know a lot about Latin culture, particularly the food. Holy yum. It still sucks sometimes. Especially since everyone just expects me to bust some salsa moves because they assume I'm Cuban, then they see the spasticity that is my attempt to dance. The fancy footwork, the spinning, it's just way too much for me. Hand me a pastelito and call it a night.

Sigh... wonderful Miami, land of beautiful beaches and fake knockers, home of terrible drivers and rude non-English speakers. I've only been here a month and I'm already sick of it. Luckily, I haven't been caught in any traffic jams or terrible thunderstorms. It's days like these that make me miss DC in all its glory.

But it has been a great summer here. Hanging out with buddies, going to the beach/pool, bowling at a place that we used to go to in high school (except now we can get the great beer specials), partying it up on South Beach, etc... I can't deny it's a fun place to be, as long as you speak Spanish and have a high tolerance for rude, loud people.

In other news... on my way to the gym, I was stopped at a light and, much to my surprise, a group of ducks walked by. A herd of ducks? A school? I don't know what the proper name for a collection of ducks is, but a gang of ducks was totally just walking by in front of my car, in a straight line, the way ducks do. It took them a minute to cross the intersection, and they veered toward the right and were on the street, in the way of oncoming traffic! I was so scared of seeing one of them get run over. But, amazingly, cars avoided the duckies and all was right in the world.